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Laura Rowley Money & Happiness

Laura Rowley, Money & Happiness

Unemployment and the Sounds of Silence

by Laura Rowley

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Posted on Thursday, March 19, 2009, 12:00AM

Of all the sufferings that come with getting laid off -- and they are plentiful -- perhaps the most insidious is silence.

In the book 'The Elephant in the Room: Silence and Denial in Everyday Life', Rutgers sociologist Eviatar Zerubavel writes about the social aspects of ignoring what is going on, or what he calls "the nuanced tension between what is personally experienced and what is publicly acknowledged."

I recall a get-together at a bar after my company laid off 500 of us back in 2001. Looking for solace among the pink-slipped, I was surprised to see those who had dodged the ax in attendance as well. The awkwardness was palpable; the bar reeked of our shame and sense of failure, along with their guilt and sense of relief. I left early.

A Deliberate Effort

"Silence requires not simply failing to notice something, it's a deliberate effort to refrain from noticing it," Zerubavel says, noting that the Hebrew words for 'silence' and 'paralysis' come from the same root.

In some cases, this recessionary "don't ask, don't tell" policy is partly related to denial. In the 2000 film 'Waiting for the Messiah', a son asks his newly unemployed father what they should do about their family's financial problems. He replies, "Not tell Mother. That's all we can do."

But at the social level, "a lot of it is about fear and embarrassment," says Zerubavel. "Silence is helpful in terms of not rocking the boat -- the moment you break the silence, it creates a lot of tension, and you never know how you're going to come out of that. That's why a lot of people choose to remain silent -- it's about trying to be tactful."

The Importance of Support

But research has found silence in the face of unemployment can be harmful to physical and mental health. A study of laid-off men found that those who coped best with the situation were the ones who enlisted support from family and friends.

Walla Walla, Washington, consultant and author David Schmaltz is experiencing silence -- and all of the other issues embodied in the loss of paid employment. For 16 years, Schmaltz and his wife ran a firm that helped high-tech companies manage project work more successfully. Schmaltz earned six figures for many years, lived in a 4,000-sq.-ft. Victorian home, took vacations to Europe, and raised his children, now 30 and 26. Then his work simply evaporated.

"Our clients were not the top executives but the middle managers charged with making these [projects] work, and after the dot-com bust, the middle managers' discretionary budgets were cut to zero," he says. "People stopped buying training and consulting work -- it was not just me but my colleagues around the world, too."

Losing Work and Identity

Schmaltz declared bankruptcy last fall. He chronicles his experience in 'The White Collar Recession', a series of articles for a local Washington paper. He poignantly captures the surreal feeling of both work and identity slipping away.

"Self respect is the first casualty of bankruptcy," Schmaltz writes of his meeting with an attorney. "Me, I couldn't talk about it. Whistling around the carpet-concealing carcass, I held my breath, my thoughts, and my voice; then I carried on. What else was I supposed to do? The bankruptcy attorney was perfunctory, matter of fact, only interested in the barest information. A God-send for anyone too ashamed of himself to speak.

"The bankruptcy trustee, reviewing our accounting of personal property, asked simply, 'What happened?' 'Business cycle, I guess,' I replied, deeply ashamed that someone might publicly survey my meager treasures. Books, worth little but landfill to anyone but me. A twenty-year-old car. Odds and ends of ancient furniture, each with its own resonant story. A home we might sell in a down market for as much as we owe. No evidence of profligate spending. Whether the business failed because of bad marketing or a bad market doesn't matter now. It's gone. And with it went more than the promise of livelihood, but my whole carefully crafted identity, leaving me simply speechless."

The Stigma of Unemployment

Says Zerubavel, "Being unemployed is so stigmatized in this society -- not just American society but in capitalist societies in general. A lot of your honor, ego, sense of self -- all these things are embodied by finances. It doesn't have to be that way. It could be that money is just a means to get things; but here it's more than that."

Schmaltz agrees. "Unemployment becomes the elephant in the room," he says. "You are concealing something everyone knows; it sets up a contest in which unspoken things become insidiously unspeakable, and that becomes self-reinforcing."

After filing for bankruptcy, Schmaltz shifted his focus from finances to family; he was able to care for his dying father. He also moved his mother into assisted living, cleaned out the family home, and made long-needed repairs to ready it for sale. A master gardener, Schmaltz did yard work for friends and pro-bono consulting. He also wrote the series for the paper and a blog.

Putting Yourself in Charge

Activity -- even unpaid -- has helped, he says. 

"I can say from personal experience that, once you get into denial, then you get really stuck," he says. "It doesn't matter what motion I induce -- just that I get unstuck somehow. It's like moving a refrigerator. The first nudge is next to impossible, but once you get it moving, it slides easily. The thing is to do anything you can do to put yourself in charge again."

Recently, Schmaltz's wife landed a job; they will be moving to Washington, D.C., where he hopes to find a new start. Government, at least, is hiring.

Meanwhile, he's glad he took the risk of going public with his story. The response was encouragement and appreciation from readers -- and, he says, "several whispered conversations from people trying out the idea that their voice might make a difference, too."

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90 Comments

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  • Slappytheclown - Tuesday, March 24, 2009, 1:27PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 3/5

    ah, ok. The example needs to be as well some personal responsibility. A 4000 sq ft house is nice...for someone making $300,000 . 2000 probably is more in his range, and maybe he would have paid if off in 15years if he had stuck to it. though it's admirable he didnt have a new car. if you are saving money all along (10% should do) you will be fine, as well as living within your means and not incurring debts. so, to those complaining about the banks and aig, I say 'look in the mirror, you bought the house you couldn't afford, the car you couldn't afford, the clothese you couldn't afford'. and to those in companies that made bad loans and expanded to quickly, well, a little corporate governance would be helpful. And in general, if you can't stand up and speak you mind about business practices within your company (in a respectful and intelligent manner) then you are chicken. get a backbone.

  • Tony d - Tuesday, March 24, 2009, 1:21AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 3/5

    Save money!! Unemployment is great. It's an oppertunity to do something different for a while. We travel and bought long ago a home in a third country near a beach. It's hard to find time to go there, getting laid off gives us the time to relax.

  • scarred for life - Tuesday, March 24, 2009, 12:46AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 3/5

    So he's not a good money manager. ("Schmaltz earned six figures for many years, lived in a 4,000-sq.-ft. Victorian home, took vacations to Europe, and raised his children, now 30 and 26.") At least he has a couple of -- we hope -- grateful children to help support him in his old age. It's hard to run out of $ when you're older, so save when you're flush. Unfortunately, in our materialistic culture, that isn't drummed into us. He has the memories from his expensive vacations, which probably are pretty good. He's healthy, has multiple talents, is married to an income producer -- just lacks earning power at the moment. Pretty lucky, overall.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Monday, March 23, 2009, 2:52PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    The detractors and deriders of Laura Rowley have an ample supply of salt. Sad. Hopefully the pepper will catch up to their jaded bitter stew very soon. More seasoning helps everything. I, for one, am here to say... Laura gets it! Another great article, Laura. Keep it up.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Monday, March 23, 2009, 3:30AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    Good perspective. Sorry some people don't earn very much money, and think that they have real problems and high earners don't. Don't let your envy and ignorance make you so bitter.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Sunday, March 22, 2009, 11:07PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    What can I s.. say ? I am in this crowd of silence...It help, thanks.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Sunday, March 22, 2009, 10:47PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    Its about responsibility. The article is to the AIG executives, Wall Street multimillion dollar executives, failed policy makers, failed regulatory agencies and irresponsible consumers who all contributed to the chaos and tumoil. Share the pain and feel the pain TOGETHER.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Sunday, March 22, 2009, 9:43PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    May the Schmaltz be with you. Does Yahoo! Finance really pay for this po0?

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Sunday, March 22, 2009, 8:51PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Laura, Silince is what we need from you...forever. What are you trying to be the Dr. Phil of economics because you suck at whatever you are trying to write and I can't relate not being a soccer mom. Take it to Ladie's Home Journal.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Sunday, March 22, 2009, 8:40PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    A story of persistence. An important lesson that many of us need to visit from time to time concerning life in general.

  • IRED - Sunday, March 22, 2009, 8:18PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    Silence is what everyone needs desperately. Silence and time to consider what is really important, silence to reflect on reality and our infinitesimal place in the universe. Silence is what the ruling complex does not want anyone to have because if they actually contemplated the silly nature of their lives, our sick society would cease to exist in its present form.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Sunday, March 22, 2009, 6:41PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    I want to read about the 29 Year Old Retiree-Not this drivel! Laura, Some of us will not forget that wonderful tale of the retired housewife!!

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Sunday, March 22, 2009, 1:55PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    Well laura I think you missed the mark on this one, Again it's a sad story but Mr Schmaklyz if any one, being a consultant, should have known better.People seem to think that the party will go on forever and live a life style based on that risky assumption. while you give no details about the Schmaltz's finances my guess is they lived right at the top of their income, and did not make what if provisions, Again I truly do feel for anyone in that position, but I also believe one has to set aside money and not live as though their income stream will never change.....

  • Ken - Sunday, March 22, 2009, 1:17PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    I was fired after a long career at a once Fortune 500 company - what helped was to acknowledge and accept my responsibility for being forced out both in silence (introspectively) and verbally with a good friend. I was not in the end the employee I had been for most of my working life - sometimes to realize that your work ethic has waned is to embrace the possibility that your mind and body are giving not so subtle signals that it's time to move on.

  • Rob - Sunday, March 22, 2009, 10:52AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    At least this isn't a story how it is your own fault that you are in this mess. The coming (and existing) stories should highlight the people that have lost everything yet weren't part of the cause of this Depression. There has been a media blitz on how the common people are the cause of this. This isn't the case although they are part of it. The Banks promoted these bad loans to increase their profits. In 2006 the government tried to stop the bank's lending practices but they refused. This has mushroomed into the failures in other businesses. Yet the banks still hold the line against fixing the problem. All of the mortgages need to be fixed, not just the ones that have gone bad. (The number of mortgages that are expected to fail in the next 2 years is 4-6 million!) Here is the truly sad part. The banks are getting the bailouts to save their companies. Who do you think will pay for it? The taxpayers! The same taxpayers which have been hurt by the Banker's GREED. Why does a government that represents the PEOPLE yet serves the banks continues with this line? Chase bought WAMU ($307 billion in assests) for $1.5 billion. Chase could cut the loans in half and still make a hefty profit. GREED is still the modivational thought of the banks.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Saturday, March 21, 2009, 6:06PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 3/5

    TO Yahoo User Friday, March 20, 2009, 11:46PM - looneytarian is right. In order to stimulate the economy, you would have to create millions of government jobs. But like he said, government does not produce revenue. Government is paid for by taxes that are imposed on revenue. In other words, who is going to pay for all of the new government employees? The answer is that the government would have to raise income taxes which would then reduce the amount of spendable income of those who don't work for the government. So any potential gain that government employment may cause will be likely offset by the loss of income in the private sector. The best solution to stimulating the economy is to create revenue producing jobs.

  • John - Saturday, March 21, 2009, 2:36PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 3/5

    An interesting topic. But as is typical of her columns, not much depth. She probably wrote this in three hours after a Google search. I'd say there is a 30% chance she even read the Zerubaval book. Schmaltz sounds like the typical self promoter that believed his own hype and spent all the money he made consulting, and much more money that he borrowed, on European vacations rather than budgeting and saving, now he is trying market himself as a role model for the unemployed. It is a shame that she would characterize him as representative of the sincerely unemployed.

  • RAY - Saturday, March 21, 2009, 2:31PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    I'm retired now, but I can recall being laid off three times during my working years. The first when I was 19. I was devastated and was going to join the Navy, but my parents talked me out of it. I wound up getting a better job than I had after each layoff. So, to those that are currently laid off, keep your chin up and keep looking for new opertunities.

  • mary - Saturday, March 21, 2009, 2:02PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    This article tells a story that very much needs to be told because it could be anyone and it really hits home.Thank you for the courage to put to words what others are incapable of articulating.

  • kjp712 - Saturday, March 21, 2009, 1:28PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    Another good article by Laura.Will be more stories as the year progresses.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Saturday, March 21, 2009, 9:59AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    You can make money doing anything. unfortunately most of us will resort to crime. Things will soon get better with the stimulus plan and the fact that many companies have overeacted and laid off too many as they soon find that out. By next year the unemployment level will be back to 6% any everything will be Honky-Dory. The recssion will be over and the markets will have rebounded by then. Those that didn't get back in before that will have missed the great opportunity to buy LOW and may be stuck with CD rates at 1%.

  • __A_YAHOO_USER__ - Saturday, March 21, 2009, 7:46AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    A job is nothing to live by. This current economic turmoil may have been contrived as a way to transition the workforce from the private sector to the government sector. Many of the job losses have come from industries where the government has the hardest time filling vacancies. Something to think about.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Friday, March 20, 2009, 11:46PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 3/5

    Response to looneytarian: the creation of more government jobs will strengthen the foundation of our economy. government jobs provide a steady income for the employee hence a steady influx of money into our economy. That government employee will be able to properly maintain his/her property thereby increasing market value in their neiborhood. Said gov employee will have more expendable income due to better workplace benefits...they would'nt would'nt have to worry about saving "x" amount of dollars for retirement because they already have a great retirement plan. No, i am not a gov employee, but i do see the wisdom of creating more government positions.

  • punch_drunk_13 - Friday, March 20, 2009, 11:17PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    Laura just wrote this article so she could mention WALLA WALLA WASHINGTON again, just like her earlier entry.

  • Qniform - Friday, March 20, 2009, 6:38PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    Laura exhibits grace to those who are suffering - even if it is their own fault. As seen in some of the comments, unforgiveness is pretty ugly.

  • looneytarian - Friday, March 20, 2009, 4:55PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    Wow, a lot of people reading between the lines on this article or not reading it all before commenting, but that is nothing new... Hell, the stigma of being unemployed is nothing new, it has been around probably ever since employment was conceived of. While I know what it feels like to be laid off or fired, the conclusion of the article is dead on: KEEP BUSY. When I was younger I went through a lot of jobs and I tried collecting unemployment once. I found it to be a big waste of time. The best thing that worked for me after losing a job, was to immediately get another job where I had to deal with the public, whether it was pumping gas (not that you see that anymore), working a grocery counter or any kind of service provider where I could personally deal with customers. Then I gave the BEST possible service I could, engaged with the customers, got to know them and let whoever could possibly help me know that I was looking for better employment opportunities. It beat the heck out of standing in the unemployment lines, usually paid as much I would have gotten from unemployment and expanded my opportunities and personal references for getting another job. I have to comment on the commenter who said something about the number of government jobs increasing. I wouldn't be too sure about that. In my locale, the federal government has privatized practically all maintenance and other wage grade positions. Ditto for positions like programmers. They are also looking to privatize most anything they can get away with. Remember the Bush Administration's suggestions to privatize Social Security? However, there is no doubt that the Democrats would like to expand the government. The problem with that is that goverment positions do not generate revenue, they expend it. Therefore, even though gvmt employees now pay taxes (except the politicians who don't seem to know how to do their taxes), that is like taking a teaspoon of water out your toilet and putting it back into the resevoir before you flush the toilet. It all still goes down the drain. That is why creating government jobs will do nothing to stimulate the economy.

  • AHAZ - Friday, March 20, 2009, 4:51PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    In light of Madoff, AIG, ENRON, etc., I encourage all to analyze this quote attributed to Albert Einstein: "Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value."

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Friday, March 20, 2009, 4:28PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    I sense a lot of envy in these comments. There is a reason why some people earn more money than others. It has to do with ambition, motivation, goal-orientation, risk-taking, and hard work. It's becoming pretty sick how much politics envy there is in America. There is an absolute reason why every person makes the income that they make! I'm so tired of people who don't make much money thinking they deserve to be angry and hateful towards those that do. This is class warfare. You want to make more money, go out and do it. The only thing stopping you is YOU.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Friday, March 20, 2009, 2:58PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 3/5

    I have no sympathy for someone who worked 16 years, made 6 figures a year, then declared bancruptcy. Without serious medical bills, he has NO EXCUSE. Sorry. I've never made 6 figures less than

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Friday, March 20, 2009, 2:42PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    Laura, good article as ever. I don't know why all the negative comments have been directed at Laura instead of Schmaltz; as such even Schmaltz has tried to have a positive outlook through his ordeal and his thoughts/ideas are inspiring. Granted he should have managed his finances better (by saving more/enough and spent on vacations and McMansions) but his willingness to share his plight with others deserves praise. Very true about, "elephant in the room". It does feel awkward being around/near a person who has been unemployed or if you are the one who is laid off, you feel awkward knowing that others feel awkward around you. I am close to 50 and have been out of work for more than 15 months but I have managed to survive so far and can for few more years. When things were booming in the valley, I sold off my modest house, which was pretty much paid off, 5 years ago (should have waited 6 to 12 months and I would have made even more money) at a profit of 120% after living in it for 9 years, and held off on buying another house because of the housing / buying frenzy and unpredictable employment / business conditions. I never used my house/equity as an ATM and always lived below the means (using cars for 10 to 15 years before replacing them, no SUV's or luxury cars, contributing to the fullest to the retirement accounts and saving outside of retirement accounts as well, took big vacations only every 3 to 4 years, no flat screen TV's yet, only basic cable and very basic cell phone plan, no iPods, no iPhones, ate out only once or twice a month, no starbucks, donate ~5% to charity, etc.). We rent a house in the best school district (at half the expense of what it would cost to buy one), a kid in college (no loans), wife works only part-time. Granted, had a mid 6 figure salary when employed but it doesn't go quite far in Si Valley/Bay Area, CA. We count our blessings by looking around who made.make lot less than us and still get by. Bottom line, live within your means, save a lot, plan for emergencies and very long term, stay healthy and have a good personal and professional support group.

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