Laura Rowley Money & Happiness

Yahoo! Finance User - Saturday, July 28, 2007, 5:46PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

My wife and I were married in my parents apartment 34 years ago with @ 30 people present. My father took all of the attendees to a fine local restaurant and bought dinner for all. The restaurant even provided a cake. It was the finest day of our life.

Herb - Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 10:00PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 4/5

This brought home some memories. My wife and I were married in 1980 on her parents' farm. Neither her, nor my parents offered to foot the bill for a huge wedding celebration, and we did not really have two nickels to rub together. We ended up spending less than $500 and had a house full of guests. One of the most memorable events of the day was the pet cat, "pee wee", sneaking into the caterer's truck to get at the meatballs (our wedding day fingerfood entree). I have always thought huge and expensive weddings were a trememdously overrated and corrupt practice, even for people who have a lot of extra money to spend. By the way, without the good luck "talisman" of spending $30,000 or $40,000 my wife and I have had a great life. I can't help but think much of the debt we did not go into is what is now financing the house we bought for our son so he has a nice place to live and rent to his friends while he is in college. Need more be said?

ChristineB - Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 1:22PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

I am in the process of becoming a Wedding Planner, but reading this opened my mind up to realize a lot of things I never knew before. Thank you.

EJ - Wednesday, July 25, 2007, 12:46AM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 4/5

Excellent article!

Yahoo! Finance User - Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 1:22PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

I am planning a wedding right now, and this article has helped to open my eyes to the ways of the Media and those money hungry companies. Thanks and I look forward to reading your book and blog!

Joe - Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 1:03PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 4/5

To easily plan and save for the big wedding, you need to be budgeting and tracking your budget. Here is a FREE online budget tracking application to help you do this: http://www.checkthebudget.com

Game_Dude - Monday, July 23, 2007, 6:53PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

I find it interesting that there are exactly 2 opinions regarding this: She's totally right or Yeah, but it is my wedding. My wife and I had an inexpensive wedding ($1500, 8 years ago). We did many things ourselves, including bouquets and wedding favors (hand-painted pots with a seed packet). We had the wedding at a conservatory so flowers really weren't an issue and we had a picnic across the street for our reception; this included games and a pinata for the kids. A coworker of mine is a semi-professional photographer and he was able to fit me in. Our attendants consisted of a best man and a maid of honor. I have people still telling us that we had the most fun wedding. No offense intended to demuth_ryan, but you "could never get married without such a huge support group around" you? This is a marriage, not a public hanging. Contrast this to our friends' wedding: Nearly 10 times as expensive as ours, with a guest limited due to the seating capacity where the reception was being held. His best friends' spouses were NOT invited because there weren't enough spaces. This is what his wedding will be remembered for, not how fun is was or the joy guests felt for the bride and groom. My wife and I have always felt that there are 2 kinds of wedding days: The first is to marry 2 people surrounded by loved ones and the second is all about the wedding ceremony spectacle. Our main concern is that at the end of the day, we were still married and no one died. Other than that, nothing else mattered.

ma02163_test - Monday, July 23, 2007, 5:23PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

cool

Kristi B - Monday, July 23, 2007, 8:30AM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 4/5

Wonderful article. Substance over pageantry rules, in my book. Who wants to start married life $30,000 in debt, with the attendant stresses and headaches?

Shiksa Mixuh - Sunday, July 22, 2007, 5:07PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

As a wedding officiant, I see a wide cross-section of couples approach the "project" of The Day with varying strategies. Some brides are equipped with notebooks and a micromanagement style, while others take a laissez-faire attitude about the visual setting and aren't overly concerned with details. Regardless of temperament, I remind all of my couples that the most important item they can bring to their wedding is mindfulness. After all, the essence of a wedding ceremony is the public declaration of commitment in front of witnesses. Any and all traditions which support that declaration are valuable only if they are meaningful to the people involved -- otherwise they become the excess baggage of rote repetition. The wedding industry isn't evil in and of itself -- but it's all too happy to fill the vacuum of meaning for those couples who lack a sense of how they might go about creating their own ritual without the aid of formalized religion (and who also don't want the cut-n-dried aspect of a civil ceremony). My watchfulness is not around the couple's expense budget, but about whether or not they can focus on the act of marrying one another, rather than on becoming hosts of an elaborate theme party. Our culture too often replaces meaningful ritual with media-enforced examples of bread and circuses designed to distract the viewer.... and unfortunately weddings too often follow suit. A wedding is not entertainment (although it can serve to provide it for those couples who wish). A *good* wedding leaves both the couple and the people in attendance with a true sense of having witnessed and taken part in something important: the continuation of societal bonds and kinship. Everything else is so much window dressing....

Gina - Sunday, July 22, 2007, 1:36PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

Anyone getting married today should keep ONE thing in mind--pictures (or video) of you, your fiance, family and friends are the only tangible thing you have left after the big day has come and gone. The flowers die, candles melt, food gets eaten, & your dress is boxed up and put away. NO ONE remembers those things anyway. The only thing they remember is you, your fiance, and how exquisitely beautiful you were. Keeping the above in mind, do get a good photographer--but don't blow everything on the most expensive one. The difference in quality really is small no matter what they tell you and it isn't worth the huge increase in cost. However, YOU, the bride must go all out for yourself! This is the ONE and ONLY time of your life you should feel absolutely free to spend money and pamper yourself. This day is about YOU and your groom. Get pampered, have a facial, a massage, your nails done--so you BOTH feel & look perfect. Have your makeup AIRBRUSHED professionally so you become the princess you are on this special day. Trust me, airbrushing your makeup will last all day so you don't need to worry about touch-ups--it won't even smudge off- -IF you can find right makeup artist. (spa-gym.com has the best ones.) Have your hair done professionally, too. AND have both professionals perform a trial run on you BEFORE the wedding day so you are totally comfortable with how you look and feel. Find your perfect dress, or borrow one, no one will ever know you didn't spend 1000's on it providing you don't blab it to everyone. A beautiful church (or garden), the photographer, you and your gorgeous groom are the only things with which to concern yourself. And trust me, in 3 months, 3 years, or 30 years--the only thing you’ll pay attention to when looking at your wedding pictures is your stunningly bewitching face gazing lovingly into the eyes of your handsome groom --and him adoringly looking at you with anticipation and devotion. If the two of you are relaxed, feeling great and looking breathtaking--then there's nothing for you to worry about because your love for each other will radiate all around for everyone to see. Years from now when you're looking at wedding photos with your children, all you will be thinking about is how much you loved him then and how much more you love him now. ...Not to mention all that money you saved which made it possible for you to buy a house, decorate it with nice furniture, go on vacations and start a family. All of which helps you remember why you got married in the first place-- enabling you to love each other and not fight over the money you blew on dead flowers and expensive champagne!

Yahoo! Finance User - Sunday, July 22, 2007, 11:23AM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 1/5

Your wedding will be what you make it out to be. Whether you spend 500 or 500,000 dollars, the thought that you put into it as well as the effort WILL show through. The flip side of this article is the TERRIBLE wedding receptions had by women that "cut corners" and the D.I.Y. craze sweeping this country. Some things are better left to professionals.

Nicole - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 9:04PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

I gotta say as a woman, Thank You so much for this article! It was well needed and should be read by all, especially brides to be. I have never been married but hope to be within the near future. And it is so good to know that I can have a memorable event that all will enjoy without me and my future fiance breaking our banks in the process. I'd much rather put that money towards us getting our first house together. Why would you want to begin your lives together with debt anyway. If it's in your means, go ahead...if not (which is usually the case) then less most definitely is more.

Luann - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 6:17PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 1/5

For people who want to save money or have a small intimate wedding, that is all well and good. But some people, especially women dream of that moment, their wedding day from the time they are little girls. It really has nothing to to do with "celebrity" or "buzzword traditions" It maybe exhausting, emotional, and consuming to plan a wedding, but I have seen many a bride young and older in totally happy bliss as they are "caught up" as you say in making their plans for their special day....whether it lasts forever or not. I also don't think it is fair for you to say the wedding industry are brain washing brides & grooms into become "bridezillas" or which wedding expense is the biggest wast of money. Just by you writing books like this or The Perfect Day- The Selling of the American Wedding by Rebecca Mead is just sour grapes on the wedding industry and brides and grooms themselves and makes you no better than the industry your are "exposing" since you are not selling your books for free and are making a monetary gain by your tell all revelations on how people are being "sucked in" by made up traditions.

Yahoo! Finance User - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 5:28PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 4/5

Excellent article. I agree that wedding stress is invented trauma. I always laugh about celebrity weddings since $1 million receptions, custom gowns, etc do not ensure a happy marriage, a la Melissa Rivers' winter wonderland wedding that ended in divorce 2 years later and countless other celebrities.

Yahoo! Finance User - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 5:13PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 3/5

Seriously, why spend all this money on a wedding when most married people will get a divorce eventually anyways? People in general are to focused on fluff and are just plain stupid. They think TV is reality and that their living in some sit com. People, SAVE the money for your house, for your kids or for a romantic vacation for you and your wife. I seriously think a study would show that the more people go into debt in the beginning of a relationship (like spending money they don't have for a fantasy wedding), the MORE likely they are to be unhappily married and divorced later on.

Carmen - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 5:08PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

Basically this article is saying that American women have been conned into thinking they need to spend beaucoup bucks to have a great wedding. So why is it then that people who echo that sentiment is giving this article 1 star? Did you even READ it, or are you just so fuming about the topic that you're hitting the one star? I'm getting married next year, and as a second wedding (a first for my future husband) would like to keep it under $5K. A wedding is, in my opinion, a celebration of the union of two people who love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. What it is NOT, is an opportunity to collect gifts in exchange for throwing an extravagant party. While in college and broke, I had to turn down many invitations to weddings because I could not afford anything on the registry, as not a single item cost less than $200. How is that not commercialism? I'm glad I saw this article, knowing that there's other people who feel the same way I do. Feel the need to throw a costly bash that will leave your $20K in the hole? Be my guest. I just won't be inclined to be yours...

newbergfoo - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 4:30PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 4/5

AHHH I hate hearing about celebrity weddings and their horrible waste of money. I plan on doing my own wedding, for cheap. But I still want it nice. I thought engagement rings were generally also used as the wedding ring? if not, then why would guys buy such a huge rock if she's only going to wear it like a year?

ryan - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 4:10PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 1/5

Just wanted to add my two cents (and unpopular opinion) that although things in the wedding industry are overpriced, the people who choose to spend a lot to ensure their guests have a fabulous time are not terrible people. I'm planning a wedding which will be out of town for more than half of my guests. I am spending a lot of money to have the things I've always dreamed of, and to make sure that they have a great time, seeing as they are paying for plane tickets, hotels, and gifts. I could never get married without such a huge support group around me, and I want them all there to celebrate. Yes I know I could do it for less. But I'm making a commitment to only do it once and I want it to be a great and memorable event. I applaud all of you who are so proud of your inexpensive weddings and decisions to spend your money elsewhere, but please don't pass judgment on those of us who chose to spend ours here.

soLame - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 4:09PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 4/5

People who have a lot of money tend to want to spend it all. My husband and I got married last year for under $5,000. We figured what we did not spend on the wedding would go toward our future.... like a house, kids, whatever we needed. Instead of going into debt for a wedding (or causing family members to) just use the resources we have today. I bought wholesale bulk roses for SUPER cheap on the internet. They were delivered the day before the wedding and we assembled the bouquets and everything ourselves. My mom made the bridesmaid dresses for me, so just material cost. Everyone knows people who can help them save money if they want to be a little creative! We had a beautiful wedding and that should be all that matters, not what impression you leave on others. The day is all about the two of you.

Casey - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 3:48PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 4/5

We got married last year and the wedding total cost was $5,000 and that included using a wedding planner DOC of course Special Occasions by Nikki helped us with our budget and got us lots of discounts. Planning a wedding does not have to cost an arm and leg.

Yahoo! Finance User - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 3:42PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 4/5

My wife and I were married 42 years ago - she in a borrowed wedding dress, me in a rented tux. We had to pay and it was all we could afford. For our own kids, we offered to pay for the "traditional" day or give them $20,000 cash to go towards a house or something else worthwhile. They all chose the "traditional' wedding. Go figure.

JaseC - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 3:39PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 4/5

Hmmmm...my wedding, May 2006, cost roughly $800. 150 guests, all ate, and tons of food was left over. Grant it, I took some shortcuts with my mom's help. I wore her wedding gown (which was a plan since i was young). We used the deli section at Wal-mart (also looked at other supercenters that were comparable) and had a full dinner consisting of: Fried Chicken, potato salad, macaroni salad, chips, chex mix, tons of pop, and Lots more stuff to eat. Also, we used Walmart bakery and we had cupcakes instead of wedding cake. We decorated tiers for them with fake wildflowers. My mom's neighbor did my bouquets and boutinierres (sp?), Family and friends took photos (two semi pros in the family and friends category), the bridesmaid dresses were gorgeous and only 60/ea, and for the guys, it was just yellow dress shirts with sage ties, and my husband wore a sage shirt and yellow tie. We had a pavillion at a park for the reception, and we did the ceremony right outside the pavillion in the park. Super easy, super cheap! Anyone could do it for $1000-1500 if I did all that for $800!!

Eric - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 3:33PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 4/5

I commend you for realizing that “the day after is not so different than the day before and that the hopes of a big splash would make a difference in the rest of their lives”. Far too many young ladies have lost respect for the wedding night. However, I still think for most young ladies that have made the discussion to marry for love and a lasting relationship fair better when they have all their family and very close friends attend the big day. After all there really is no such thing as a “practice marriage”. When you’ve made the decision to commit and sign that contract, the day after does bring home the difference. The fact that both of you are in the same place with the same support group a common bond is created and there is a nervousness and excitement for a new life has begun. The industry has made it very expensive. The charges for dinner per person are ridiculously high. You could go to dinner in fine restaurants for less. And what’s with the “Minimums” head count? That only means they want $X amount for their space, then say so! Why hide it behind a meal? Let’s not forget why “David’s Bridal” is doing so well it is not a great surprise, the average bride of today is looking for the warmth and support that comes with marriage. The stress comes 1st from not wanting to leave anyone out and 2nd from the big bill incurred because of the blessed event.

Yahoo! Finance User - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 3:30PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

I had a very nice wedding that cost under $1,000. I wanted a big wedding, but I wanted to be a wife more. My mother took a Wilton cake decorating class and was able to make a very elaborate cake that would have cost more than my whole wedding! She also made the bridesmaid dresses, with the help of my grandmother. I bought high end, very realistic silk flowers when they were on sale half off, and made the arrangements myself. We ordered engraved invitations through a cut-rate supplier online and spend $1 per invitation. E-bay was a big help, I got a brand new formal gown for $112, including shipping. I paid $30, including shipping, for a David's Bridal flower girl dress to match my gown. I paid $14 for a $250 veil with the tags still on, because it had a crystal missing (no one noticed!). I also got my unity candles and very inexpensive wedding favors on E-Bay. I had wedding themed return address labels made up to put on the back of the favors, to let everyone know where the new couple were making their residence. I made my own centerpieces from 90 cent glass bowls from a craft store. Throw in some ribbon, a candle (4/$1), some rose petals and a mirror to go under, and I had maybe $3 in each centerpiece. My step-mother and aunts made a very nice dinner for everyone, served immediately after the ceremony. We saved money by having the ceremony at one end of the reception hall, then while everyone was eating, my brother and his friend cleared that end for the dance floor. I made mix cd's of the songs that are most requested at weddings, and one CD with the "special" songs (first dance, father daughter dance, garter removal, etc). Lastly, one of the best money-savers I had for my wedding was an organization that I belong to, Freecycle. I requested anything to do with a wedding, and got my petticoat, aisle-runner, arch, etc, and it was all stuff that would have gone to a landfill otherwise. It was a toss-up of which cost more, the hall rental and my husband's tux rental were both $150. Our wedding & my engagement rings cost more than our entire wedding did. It can be done inexpensively, and it can be done very tastefully!

Yawn - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 3:30PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 4/5

I appreciate the article's honest look at the industry. Let's face it, women love the fairy tale weddings. And I think the problem doesn't necessarily stem from the wedding industry - they sure help it along, but they are not the original cause of it. If you want to cast blame on what makes Bridezillas, look to the fairy tales we all grew up with. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White - they talk about true love and the charming and handsome Prince, but they don't tell you what happens after the wedding. That's where Bridezillas are created - they look to the fairy tales for their inspiration. Instead of planning the biggest and most expensive party you can imagine, why not plan for the MARRIAGE? The wedding is a party that lasts one day - but the marriage (the reason for the wedding in the first place) is supposed to last a lifetime. I have a co-worker who's girlfriend just spent $2,500 on wedding invitations! That's crazy! I can't imagine what the total cost of their wedding is going to be! My husband and I have been married almost 8 years and we spent just over $6,000 on our wedding - including the honeymoon. I still have people commenting on what a beautiful and loving wedding we had. My sister was married 15 years ago, and spent $20,000 on her wedding, and to this day hates everything about it. Granted, I was a bit older when I got married (I wasn't fresh out of high school or college, like my sister), but I am glad that I recognized the importance of what happens after the wedding (and honeymoon). And let's face it, we couldn't afford a huge expensive wedding, without going into deep debt (my sister paid for her wedding for almost 10 years!), so we chose to make it more low key. Even now that we could afford a much more lavish wedding, I'd still do things the way I did 8 years ago! We're still together and very happy with life, and absolutely none of that happiness has to do with how great our wedding was. Just the fact that we made our vows and have kept them is the only trace of our wedding that we still cling to. The food was good, and the flowers were beautiful. But they are pleasant memories - nothing more. Some of these Bridezillas need to seriously look at their intentions and rethink the $10,000 wedding dress that they will only wear ONCE. Instead, find a beautiful gown for much less, and use the bulk of that money towards the purchase of a home, or maybe counseling....sounds like if that's the most important thing, their marriage isn't starting on a good solid foundation and the cost of counseling would be a wiser spending choice. Oh, and for the Bridezillas, no one thinks that because you aren't getting your wedding exactly the way you want it, that you are just a poor victim of evil people who want to see your special day ruined. Last time I checked, you are not the only one in the wedding (remember your groom?), and throwing temper tantrums because the flowers are not the exact shade of lavender makes you look like a high-maintenance spoiled brat who should be spanked severely! Your future husbands are the true victims for having to put up with that mess, and they should be warned - no, helped! - to flee from you as fast as possible. It's not attractive to see a grown woman behave like a 2-year old! It's ridiculous and should not be encouraged. Shame on WE network for promoting that kind of awful behavior!

David - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 3:29PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

It makes you wonder how many other things we have been duped into believing.

J C - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 3:22PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 3/5

When guests must fly half-way across the country to attend a wedding that is billed as being "green," and since the green buzz is becoming so much more the trend, perhaps those responsible for promoting the 'bridezilla' wedding can atone for their sins by advancing more sustainable measures when planning this rite of passage. The more political muscle aimed at the cause of sustainable living, the sooner the aerospace industry will catch on and begin designing jets that run on recycled bio-fuels. Maybe someone like the owner of Virgin Airlines would be interested in the prospect of providing charter service for just such occasions.

Yahoo! Finance User - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 3:21PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

Funny...the wedding planners were probably funeral directors in a previous life. My idea of a "green" wedding is to fly to Vegas and hit the casinos (green felt tables) and the golf courses (green grass). Also, champagne comes in green bottles too, right? That would combine the wedding (at the Elvis chapel) and the honeymoon. The ultimate in multi-tasking and convenience. Now, if I only had someone to marry...hmmm.

missa7 - Saturday, July 21, 2007, 3:20PM ET  Report Abuse

• Overall: 5/5

To the "estate" event planner below: obviously the point of this article completely whizzed by you. The author is not saying that all wedding planners, etc are rip-offs or bad people, she merely points out (quite correctly) that people think they "need" to do certain things when they have their wedding. Just as you pointed out, many people give you the enormous burden of planning their weddings...because it IS a huge burden because the COUPLES think they "need" all this hoopla that takes you hours upon hours to plan. Once again, the author's point is that none of this is necessary nor is it grounded in tradition. Are all people in your industry bad? Of course not, no one is suggesting that. However, as a result of some corporations with an interest in such a thing, many couples are "guilted" into thinking all this fluff and flair is important. Well, it isn't. And kudos to the author for finally speaking up about this $30,000 wedding nonsense. If she made a profit on her book, good for her.