Suze Orman Money Matters

It's no news that women today are making more money than ever before. But as I explore in my new book, "Women & Money," women aren't making the most of that money.

In this excerpt, I discuss what keeps women who are so competent in all other areas of their lives from bringing the same competence to the subject of money -- and why this must change now, for the benefit of every woman and the men in their lives.

The Big Disconnect

For years, I've been in the privileged position of talking to thousands of women a year -- from the callers to my TV show, to those who come to hear me speak, to those who write me e-mails on my web site, to my very own friends and family.

So I hear, see, and feel your fears, insecurities, and troubles, very often firsthand, and I have come face-to-face with this painful truth: For all the advancements women have made in the last 30 or 40 years -- and without a doubt they are remarkable accomplishments -- I am stunned by how little has really changed in the way women deal with money.

There are huge disconnects in play here between what we know and how we act; between what we think and what we say; between our ability as achievers and our financial underachieving; between how we present ourselves to the world and how we really feel about ourselves inside; between what we deserve in our lives and what we resign ourselves to; between the power we have within reach and the powerlessness that rules our actions.

A Money Baby-Sitter

In 1980, when I was hired as a financial advisor for Merrill Lynch, I was one of the few women in the Oakland, Calif., office. In the eyes of my (male) boss, that made me the perfect candidate to work with all the women who walked through the door.

Back then, women who came to a brokerage firm looking for financial advice had, for the most part, either inherited money, received it in a divorce, been widowed, or were suddenly thrust into a position of helping their parents handle their money. In only a few instances had women come in with money they'd made on their own.

No matter the circumstances that brought them to the brokerage firm, they all had the same reason for being there: They did not want the responsibility of managing their money. I always felt they hired me simply to baby-sit their money for them.

Making More of What We Make

More than 25 years later, the story is much the same. Regardless of the gains in our financial status, women still don't want to take responsibility when it comes to their money. Yes, women are making more money than ever before, but they aren't making more of what they make.

What do I mean by that? Your retirement money sits in cash because you haven't figured out how to invest it properly, so you do nothing. You've convinced yourself that you'll be working forever, so the value of each paycheck becomes meaningless -- after all, there will always be another one. Your closet houses the wardrobe of a powerful and stylish woman, but the dirty secret is that your credit cards are maxed out and you don't know how you're going to pay them off.

But it's not just about saving and investing. It's about not asking for a raise at work when you know you are being undervalued. It's about the fear and loathing you feel when it's time to pay the bills every month because you don't know exactly what you have, where it's going, and why there isn't more left when it's all said and done. It's about how you berate yourself for not knowing more and doing more ... yet stay resigned to this feeling of helplessness and despair as time ticks away.

A State of Denial

I see this fundamental denial, this resistance in all women, no matter what they do, how they live, or where they are in their lives. I see you literally giving your money away rather than dealing with it. I see stay-at-home moms who work 24 hours a day and yet hand over all power and control to their husbands because they don't earn the money.

I see successful single women who refuse to focus on what they need to do today to ensure their financial security years from now. I see women in second marriages who fail to protect the assets they accumulated before they remarried and feel uncomfortable bringing up money issues with their new husbands. I see divorced women of all ages who go into full-blown panic mode when faced with the reality that they have no clue what money exists, what to do when they get their share of the settlement, and whether they will be able to maintain their lifestyle post-divorce.

Most heartbreaking of all, I hear older women use words like "powerless" and "worthless" to describe themselves. These women are filled with regret when it comes to the way they've lived their financial lives.

Committing Financial Suicide

So why do you all do this to yourselves? Why are you voluntarily committing financial suicide, and doing it with a smile on your face?

Let me put it another way. Ask yourself this: Why is it that women, who are so competent in all other areas of their lives, can't find the same competence when it comes to matters of money?

Of course, there is no one answer. The matter of women and money is clearly a complicated issue that has much to do with our history and traditions, both societal and familial. These deep-seated issues are major hurdles to overcome, major tides to turn -- and that doesn't happen overnight. But we'll have to look at this on a behavioral level, too, since traits that are fundamental to our nature clearly affect how we approach money as well.

Love Your Money

Consider this: It's a generally accepted belief that nurturing comes as a basic instinct to women. We give of ourselves; we take care of our family, our friends, our colleagues. It's in our nature to nurture.

So why don't we take care of our money? Why don't we want to take care of our money as well as we take care of the spouses, partners, children, pets, plants, and whatever else is in our lives that we love and cherish?

Why don't we show our money the same care and attention that we shower on every other important relationship in our lives?

Because we don't have a relationship with our money. Correction: We do have a relationship with our money. It's just a totally dysfunctional one.

Imagine What's Possible

How do you repair this relationship?

The same way you would repair any relationship that is damaged: By acknowledging your mistakes, taking responsibility, and resolving to act in a way that will bring about change for the better.

In the case of you and your money, that means making strong money moves, moves with the goal of making you feel more powerful and secure. If you show money the respect it deserves today and carry it through in all your actions, then one day, when you can no longer take care of it, your money will take care of you.

Respecting your relationship with money, you see, is the key not only to your security and independence, but to your happiness as well.

(Click here for a schedule of Suze's "Women & Money" U.S. book tour.)