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Suze Orman Money Matters

Suze Orman, Money Matters

Why Women Need a Healthy Relationship with Money

by Suze Orman

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Posted on Thursday, February 22, 2007, 12:00AM

Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your DestinyIt's no news that women today are making more money than ever before. But as I explore in my new book, "Women & Money," women aren't making the most of that money.

In this excerpt, I discuss what keeps women who are so competent in all other areas of their lives from bringing the same competence to the subject of money -- and why this must change now, for the benefit of every woman and the men in their lives.

The Big Disconnect

For years, I've been in the privileged position of talking to thousands of women a year -- from the callers to my TV show, to those who come to hear me speak, to those who write me e-mails on my web site, to my very own friends and family.

So I hear, see, and feel your fears, insecurities, and troubles, very often firsthand, and I have come face-to-face with this painful truth: For all the advancements women have made in the last 30 or 40 years -- and without a doubt they are remarkable accomplishments -- I am stunned by how little has really changed in the way women deal with money.

There are huge disconnects in play here between what we know and how we act; between what we think and what we say; between our ability as achievers and our financial underachieving; between how we present ourselves to the world and how we really feel about ourselves inside; between what we deserve in our lives and what we resign ourselves to; between the power we have within reach and the powerlessness that rules our actions.

A Money Baby-Sitter

In 1980, when I was hired as a financial advisor for Merrill Lynch, I was one of the few women in the Oakland, Calif., office. In the eyes of my (male) boss, that made me the perfect candidate to work with all the women who walked through the door.

Back then, women who came to a brokerage firm looking for financial advice had, for the most part, either inherited money, received it in a divorce, been widowed, or were suddenly thrust into a position of helping their parents handle their money. In only a few instances had women come in with money they'd made on their own.

No matter the circumstances that brought them to the brokerage firm, they all had the same reason for being there: They did not want the responsibility of managing their money. I always felt they hired me simply to baby-sit their money for them.

Making More of What We Make

More than 25 years later, the story is much the same. Regardless of the gains in our financial status, women still don't want to take responsibility when it comes to their money. Yes, women are making more money than ever before, but they aren't making more of what they make.

What do I mean by that? Your retirement money sits in cash because you haven't figured out how to invest it properly, so you do nothing. You've convinced yourself that you'll be working forever, so the value of each paycheck becomes meaningless -- after all, there will always be another one. Your closet houses the wardrobe of a powerful and stylish woman, but the dirty secret is that your credit cards are maxed out and you don't know how you're going to pay them off.

But it's not just about saving and investing. It's about not asking for a raise at work when you know you are being undervalued. It's about the fear and loathing you feel when it's time to pay the bills every month because you don't know exactly what you have, where it's going, and why there isn't more left when it's all said and done. It's about how you berate yourself for not knowing more and doing more ... yet stay resigned to this feeling of helplessness and despair as time ticks away.

A State of Denial

I see this fundamental denial, this resistance in all women, no matter what they do, how they live, or where they are in their lives. I see you literally giving your money away rather than dealing with it. I see stay-at-home moms who work 24 hours a day and yet hand over all power and control to their husbands because they don't earn the money.

I see successful single women who refuse to focus on what they need to do today to ensure their financial security years from now. I see women in second marriages who fail to protect the assets they accumulated before they remarried and feel uncomfortable bringing up money issues with their new husbands. I see divorced women of all ages who go into full-blown panic mode when faced with the reality that they have no clue what money exists, what to do when they get their share of the settlement, and whether they will be able to maintain their lifestyle post-divorce.

Most heartbreaking of all, I hear older women use words like "powerless" and "worthless" to describe themselves. These women are filled with regret when it comes to the way they've lived their financial lives.

Committing Financial Suicide

So why do you all do this to yourselves? Why are you voluntarily committing financial suicide, and doing it with a smile on your face?

Let me put it another way. Ask yourself this: Why is it that women, who are so competent in all other areas of their lives, can't find the same competence when it comes to matters of money?

Of course, there is no one answer. The matter of women and money is clearly a complicated issue that has much to do with our history and traditions, both societal and familial. These deep-seated issues are major hurdles to overcome, major tides to turn -- and that doesn't happen overnight. But we'll have to look at this on a behavioral level, too, since traits that are fundamental to our nature clearly affect how we approach money as well.

Love Your Money

Consider this: It's a generally accepted belief that nurturing comes as a basic instinct to women. We give of ourselves; we take care of our family, our friends, our colleagues. It's in our nature to nurture.

So why don't we take care of our money? Why don't we want to take care of our money as well as we take care of the spouses, partners, children, pets, plants, and whatever else is in our lives that we love and cherish?

Why don't we show our money the same care and attention that we shower on every other important relationship in our lives?

Because we don't have a relationship with our money. Correction: We do have a relationship with our money. It's just a totally dysfunctional one.

Imagine What's Possible

How do you repair this relationship?

The same way you would repair any relationship that is damaged: By acknowledging your mistakes, taking responsibility, and resolving to act in a way that will bring about change for the better.

In the case of you and your money, that means making strong money moves, moves with the goal of making you feel more powerful and secure. If you show money the respect it deserves today and carry it through in all your actions, then one day, when you can no longer take care of it, your money will take care of you.

Respecting your relationship with money, you see, is the key not only to your security and independence, but to your happiness as well.

(Click here for a schedule of Suze's "Women & Money" U.S. book tour.)

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292 Comments

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  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, March 14, 2007, 11:21AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    I'm a guy at age 46. I've never married and have dated alot!!! This article is right on the mark. I'm appalled that the women doctors, lawyers, engineers and other professionals have such horrific money management skills. The first thought they have is "I may not live to tomorrow so I'll spend whatever I want today", then they follow that with having next to no savings and no interest in making best use of their 401Ks or contributing the max amount. I can't believe the number of 40 year old women who say things to me like "yeah I have to start doing something here so I can retire some day, do you know much about that?" I try to help them, but most just don't care. Suze keep after them, and maybe you can someday get them to see the light. I think you have fantastic finance sense. If I met a woman like you, and of course the affect was as it should be, I'd be married already. I really have a hard time throwing away my financial health for someone who just doesn't care.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Tuesday, March 13, 2007, 11:43PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    I really enjoyed this.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Tuesday, March 13, 2007, 9:48AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    What drivel. Suze is very condenscending to women. She seems to project her own bias against men.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Monday, March 12, 2007, 9:44PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 3/5

    This article is much, much better than Suze's article "Men, Their Women, and Money". I just got through giving that article the lowest rating I could, and that wasn't low enough. From my experience, I agree with Suze that women on average are not quite as concerned about investing as men. I'm sure there are LOTS of exceptions to this generalization, but looking at it as a trend it's true, and I agree, it would be good if ALL men AND women gave good thought to investing wisely and planning for retirement. I'm single now, and looking for a mate whose top-ranked "hobby" is NOT shopping. Still looking... But I"m sure there's one out there who DOES follow Suze's advice here, and we'll live happily ever after soon enough.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Saturday, March 10, 2007, 9:30AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Gads, where do they get these so called experts to write these articles? This woman acts like women have just fallen off the turnip truck! Most women are very enlightened and are managing the finances quite well. If she will check she will find that women are still in control of most of the money in this country. Please find real experts to write these articles!!!

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Monday, March 5, 2007, 12:32AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    I agree that it is easier said than done when it comes to asking for a raise. Some companies probably would not believe their ears that you came in and asked for a raise. Maybe Susan needs to address when the appropriate time to go in and ask for this raise and how much should we ask for that will not jeopardize us with the company. I do not believe that women do not have a so-called relationship with their money but, a system that talks all jibberish and does not break it down for those. I blame the market individuals who do not know how to discuss money issues with individuals in a way for them to understand how the system works.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Sunday, March 4, 2007, 10:29PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    There seems to be somewhat of a disconnect between her assumptions and what is actually happening in the workplace. Equal pay for equal work is still a dream in many sectors. Perhaps she should have asked women what happened to them the last time they asked for a raise rather than making a blanket statement that women are not asking for raises. The answers could be quite enlightening. Gender discrimination is alive and well in the workplace.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Saturday, March 3, 2007, 12:10AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    The aticle has discussed about women who has not given their money the proper attention it needs. But what about those of us who has taken that extra step to attain that extra knowledge in properly organizing our money concern? An extra effort that has actually threatened the "significant other" - who was supposed to know more? It has also been an emotional concern...the concern of appearing of Ms know-it-all. If A had Suze's attention, I believe B also deserve the other side of the story.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 9:53PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    This is a horrible article. How can Suze Orman classify women don't have good relationships withntheir money. I am on my way to becoming a self-made millionaire without her help!!!

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 6:42PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    I think Suze makes a valuable contribution. Sometimes she dramatizes her case a bit too much. Yes, men also have problems with organizing finances. but Suzy is simply dealing with the niche of her concern. Comparably frank comments directed to men would be refreshing, but who would say this??

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 5:15PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    susie is highly UNDER RATED - she understand all financial situations - not just the well to do and when you speak of over 20,000 per household - you are talking well to do for many of us.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 4:08PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    What can I say that hasn't already been said...she's a salesperson, once you come to realize that you might begin to question why she's so caught up on making sure no other professionals talk to you...she can't afford to compete with uniquely tailored advice for every individual...because then you wouldn't need to watch her show and buy her books...and you might actually accomplish your goals a bit quicker...but that's just one person's opinion of course.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 3:08PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Dear Yahoo, Please stop having Ms. Orman as one of your columnists. She hurts your site's credibility as a good finance page.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 2:36PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    The women I know would rather what Oprah than Power Lunch. To be competent at ANYTHING you need to have a passion. Women might have the same passion as men for having money, but not for making it.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 2:28PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    How come there arent any articles on why MEN need a healthy relationship with money? What about the men?

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 2:06PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    have observed some of comments from friends and self. we do need to be more aware of how money is invested. market today makes us really aware

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 12:48PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Would yahoo consider getting some writers that aren't book hocking ding dongs like Suze? A few days ago Bach tells us to get a second job if we need extra money and says that a couple $100,000 in the hole is "well on their way to becoming millionaires". Now we got Suze stereotyping an entire gender in her substance free article. This is what the article could have said in a much simpler way, "All you ladies are idiots when it comes to money! Buy my book and I'll show you how to change that!"

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 12:39PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    I'm a woman financial planner and although I have issues with some of Suzie's past comments concerning the role of planners this excerpt gives us some real insight into women and money. Thanks Suzie.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 7:56AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    women are also to willing to give the money they make to their children for any reason whatsoever.Big Money!

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 7:30AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    It's understandable, motivational, positive, and in the same style that I always talked to my daughters in. Women are powerful multitaskers. You can do this too!

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, March 1, 2007, 12:44AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    Excellent article, changing views about money is not only necessary for women but men as well. I have all your books Suzy. Keep up the good work.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 28, 2007, 10:33PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    that's very encouraging and affirmative. thanks!

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 28, 2007, 8:02PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Have read and watched, my postal carrier has better advice.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 28, 2007, 6:57PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    All you say, Suze, may well be true and good but i don't know why you limit the advice to women. This seems to be a pattern of late. I've looked into where one could catch one of your seminars and almost all are for women's organizations with the not so subtle hint that attendance is for women only. You say women, as a group, have poor money management skills and not much inclination to learn. Yet, on your Suze Orman show, one can usually count on at least one allusion a show on how men tend to be impulsive and cavalier about the family fortune. So, i ask you, please make your advice more universal.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 28, 2007, 6:30PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Susie Orman: "Buy term insurance and invest in Vanguard funds!" (Yaaaawwwwnnn...)

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 28, 2007, 4:30PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    I firmly believe that emotions have alot to do with how we spend and save money, but I disagree that it is a women's only desease. I work with mostly male professionals and see men blow it with money as well. Perhaps it is better to focus on our society in general: why we all have this sense of entitlement, instant gratification, the belief that someone else will always take care of "me", or nothing bad will ever happen, so I don't have to prepare for it. Besides all of that, this is just yet another, ever abundant substance-free article found all over the internet, magazines and newspapers.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 28, 2007, 3:27PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    This mentality is dated.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 28, 2007, 2:56PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    I have really learned from watching and reading about Suze Orman

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 28, 2007, 2:18PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    Great article written specifically to appeal to women. I'm a 33-year-old woman and I DO take care of my money, but this article struck a chord with me, too. It's very easy to criticize a public personality, even when they are trying to help other people. I suggest to these critics to try and do something positive (e.g. share Suze's wisdom from years of financial experience) instead of wallowing in the negative (e.g. whining about their wife/sister/mother in a web comment), which does nobody any good.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 28, 2007, 2:15PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    All fluff and no content. Suze helps perpetuate the stereotype of women-as-financially-ignorant by writing an article that's high on psychology and low on real financial advice. Does she think we're too stupid to understand...?

Showing comments 6-35 of 292<< PreviousNext >>
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With her signature mix of insight and compassion, Suze Orman equips women with the financial knowledge and emotional awareness to overcome the blocks that have kept them from making more out of the money they earn.

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