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Ben Stein How Not to Ruin Your Life

Ben Stein, How Not to Ruin Your Life

Ten Ways to Blow a Sale

by Ben Stein

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Posted on Friday, October 12, 2007, 12:00AM

In 1900, the most common job in the United States was farm laborer. That was backbreaking, dangerous work. Now the most commonly occurring job is salesperson.

That's not as difficult. Usually, such jobs are performed in air conditioned settings. The most painful parts of it are dealing with rude customers and having to stand for long hours.

It's Yours to Lose

There are all kinds of sales jobs, of course, from selling gum and cigarettes at convenience stores to selling giant office buildings, airplanes, or immense blocks of stocks or bonds. Or even selling entire companies.

But whether you're a salesperson at 7-Eleven or Goldman Sachs, you've probably heard and read advice on how to make a sale. I'd like to change gears and come at it from another angle. As a companion piece to my column from last year, "The Art of (Killing) the Deal," how about some further advice on how to lose a sale?

The Terrible Ten

If you find yourself doing the following acts or omissions on a regular basis, you might want to reconsider your steps:

1. Don't listen to your customer. Instead, only tell him or her what you feel like saying.

Don't hear what's important to the customer about a house or a car or a pair of shoes or an investment. Only talk about what's interesting and important to you.

2. Show disrespect to your customers. After all, you never know if the guy is serious or not. So make fun of him and belittle him until -- and maybe even after -- you actually see the color of his money.

Don't hesitate to be sarcastic and mock or criticize his choices and opinions. After all, it's your store, your dealership, your brokerage. You're the expert, not him or her. Besides, customers like being taken down a few pegs. They don't want to just be sucked up to -- they want to be treated badly. It makes them much more likely to buy.

3. Don't be accommodating on big purchases. If you're selling something as expensive as a home or large boat or resort condo, and if the buyers have any hesitation because of unsettled market conditions, don't cut them any slack. Just show them the standard contract, and make it as one-sided as you can.

Make sure you tell them it's your way or the highway. Yes, it might be a million-dollar sale, and maybe you haven't had any other customers in a few weeks (or months). But still be totally unbending about your terms even if what the buyer wants doesn't really cost you much money.

You have to show that ratty little buyer who's boss. Flexibility is for losers, and you're not a loser.

4. Put your personal life ahead of your customers. Get right off the phone with your clients if your girlfriend calls. If you have a manicure and pedicure appointment, do that before you even consider staying a minute late to get the sale closed.

After all, there are always more clients coming through the door -- your nails are sacred. You have to respect yourself and not become a slave to your job.

5. Don't know your product. If your customer asks about your product, the best answer is "whatever," preferably said in the most dismissive tone possible.

If you don't know something your client asks about, tell him it's not important and that if he really wants to find out about it, he should look it up online. You have other things to do, like that manicure and pedicure.

6. Don't bother closing the deal. Or rather, make it really hard for the customer to close the sale.

Don't have the paperwork ready. Gossip with the finance manager instead of getting your papers ready. Forget to fill out parts of the contracts. Then tell the buyer he'll have to cool his heels while you get it done -- and then just leave and make him wait until tomorrow! It'll teach the customer a much-needed lesson in humility.

7. Lie to your customers about the product. Tell them it's safer, or more reliable, or guaranteed for longer than it is.

After all, they'll never catch on. And if they do, there'll be plenty more customers coming. Besides, you'll be gone and in another state by the time they catch on. If they sue, that's your boss' problem, not yours. Little lies help you, and they don't really hurt anyone.

8. Look like a total slob. Have bad breath. Don't wear clean clothes. You're a poet, an artist -- you don't have to look like you're someone's butler or maid.

You can look any old way you want and smell any way you want. Your charming personality will come through anyway. If it doesn't, tough. There are 300 million people in this country, and any one of them is a customer. So worry about the next one, not this one.

9. Don't bother to close the deal. Just explain a little bit, then walk away and let the customer stew. Don't come back to him -- let him come crawling to you.

Don't explain things, then ask how he wants to pay for it and any other question that will lead to closing.

10. If you're selling big-ticket items, don't bother to qualify your customers.

Don't find out if they can actually afford that plane or that car or that home. Just do your standard pitch and assume the guy or gal in front of you has the money to do the deal. That really works beautifully. Then, if they don't qualify, yell at them for being deadbeats.

Salesman, Heal Thyself

Oh, there are a lot more. But if you find yourself doing any of these little things, pause, take a few steps back, and ask yourself, "Do I really want to sell this thing?" If the answer is yes, then take a step back and start again with selling in mind.

(I'm greatly indebted to my master-salesman pal and fellow author Barron Thomas for many of these tips.)

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177 Comments

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  • michaelE - Friday, October 26, 2007, 1:44AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Ben is an idiot or a paid propagandist read one of his articles from this fall. The problem turned out to be so little that Paulson had to come up with a salvage plan for all of the pending SIV and potentially bank failures. Subprime is a small sector of the mortgage market, as I’ve said before. It might be 15 percent at most. The defaults and delinquencies in this sector might be roughly 15 percent, which makes for a total problem rate of about 2.25 percent of the whole mortgage market. If all this goes into foreclosure (which is unlikely), it will realize about 60 percent upon liquidation at the very least. That means the real loss might be about .9 percent, or less than 1 percent. That’s a large number, but tiny in the context of the economy. How the Economy Rates As to the resistance of lenders to lend at low rates on some LBOs, this shows that the loan market is not completely insane. That’s a good sign, not a bad one. It would be much more worrisome for the future if lenders wanted to sign up for every deal. Besides, again, the effect is tiny in the context of the whole economy. It’s a misuse of time and energy for individual investors to worry about private equity players having to pay a small amount more for loans. The rise in interest rates is a real worry, if it continues in a big way. If interest rates go up by another two percentage points, the net present value of stock market earnings and dividends would be cruelly cut, and would dent the market seriously. But there’s no sign of that happening. Domestic interest rates are rising to equilibrate U.S. rates with European rates, and

  • Charles - Tuesday, October 23, 2007, 6:06PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    I liked this! This was certainly better than his screed on how unloved Big Oil is. One of the reasons some businesses do so badly in this country is that lots of folks "on the front lines" have never seen these 10 rules. This should be mandatory reading for anyone dealing with the public -especially customer service reps at cable TV companies!

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Monday, October 22, 2007, 12:39PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    This article goes over points that are so basic and obvious that anyone who finds them insightful or informative should instantly give up on the business world and go back to flipping burgers. Having said that, they are definitely some of the worst things you can do to your potential customers, and the saddest part is that there are plenty of companies out there that employ salespeople which do exactly those things.

  • Hotblack - Monday, October 22, 2007, 9:12AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    Ben, didn't you post this same article here about a year ago? Either you're repeating yourself, plagiarizing someone else or I'm having the most incredibly detailed case of deja vu in history.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Monday, October 22, 2007, 1:36AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    Not your best work Ben. When the subject matter is a little lighter, I expect more humor. I enjoy most your work though and typically agree with your advice. Keep up the good work.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Friday, October 19, 2007, 2:16PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    Excellent advice from Ben. Who is the 23 year old pinhead that thinks he is smarter then Ben?

  • Your Daddy - Friday, October 19, 2007, 10:09AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    A quick breakdown of all the people who have commented previously: The 1 star people: About half of them didn't get the fact Ben was being fascetious (which is hilarious and scary at the same time), the other half think they could write better articles themselves, even though they can't. The 5 star people: Love Ferris Bueller's Day Off. People wonder why Ben's advice is so basic and fnudamental...then they complain about the terrible service they receive when they go to the mall, the car dealership, and their financial advisor, among others. Or they're the sad sack that blames the economy, the product, the weather, etc. when they can't close a sale, not realizing they're incapable of getting out of their own way. Financial advice comes in many forms...the mouthbreathers looking for the next big stock pick really need to jump off a bridge or go play on a freeway. Seriously. Now. Since we live in a service economy, tips on improving one's service skills might just come in handy someday. If Ben were handing out farming tips, then your complaints might be legit. But you can't invest money IF YOU DON'T MAKE MONEY and I think that bears mentioning. I sincerely hope that Ben never bothers to look at the comments posted in these forums, mine included. It would depress him to the point of not-writing anything else for months, if ever again. P.S. I love the people that think they can write better than Ben, then riddle their post with spelling errors, multiple punctuation points, and grammar that would make their high school English teachers weep. I think Yahoo! has a writing forum somewhere...go flame and harass them and kindly come back when your posts look like somebody with a post-secondary school education wrote them.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, October 18, 2007, 10:27PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    awful advice from someone who thinks he knows it all. as a 23 year old, stein is the epitomy of what I do not want to become in my future years.

  • Lou - Thursday, October 18, 2007, 8:32PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    The eamples listed here are why there are companies wthout my business and why they are not as prosperious as they might be if there were to consider as a guide for their servces.

  • TT - Thursday, October 18, 2007, 7:22PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Ben Stein is the same retard who stated that the sub-prime crisis would not affect the economy. So, I don't put any weight into what this moron states. T

  • Greg - Thursday, October 18, 2007, 4:13PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Talk about stating the obvious!

  • John S - Thursday, October 18, 2007, 3:30PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    Interesting...

  • Reinaldo Y. - Thursday, October 18, 2007, 1:28PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Close the sale already! Be persistent and cordial, know everything about the product, over come objections and have an "proprietary" interest in the transaction regardless if you are employee. Use all your energies to see the transaction "WALKS" meaning follow up on that paper work and see that it get priority treatment. MOST OF ALL DON"T TAKE THE MECHANISM OF CAPITALISM FOR GRANTED - very few people in business understand that requires persistent attention to details to make important transactions to work, Don't think everyone else involved in the transaction has your enthusiasm... or understands their obligations to the transaction - be prepared to SPELL THEM OUT if necessary and hold their feet to fire... so to speak. Regards. Ryk.

  • Ian n Out! - Thursday, October 18, 2007, 12:42PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    definitely not one of benny's great articles that Im used to reading. nonetheless, far often we get new salespeople in the workforce that could use the advise given in the article. so obviously - benny is letting the chips fall where may. just remember me fellow sales comrades; nothing happens in business until you make a sale. btw: jc penney's having a sale today; may want to pick up a one button polyester plaid suit & a bottle of old spice cologne.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Thursday, October 18, 2007, 9:35AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Ben Stein is a smug idiot. No better way to trash a potential sale than "qualifying" a prospect shopping for a new car. Benjie, give us a break. In many parts of the US the wealthy folks that have created products and service firms don't dress like silly you. It's often the t shirt gang that owns the companies while the suits sell the insurance and staff the banks and funeral homes. Forget insulting someone by trying to check their credit,etc. Just invest 15 minutes in the spiel and test drive and make the sale. Rest of article is smugly related common sense. Ben Stein apparently hangs with idiots--no surprise. PS-I think you're overdue for a new custom made suit. Go ahead, it defnitely can't hurt.lol.

  • BTG - 1 - Wednesday, October 17, 2007, 6:35PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    I agree with many posters that this is not one of Ben's better pieces. While it is certain that some people are clueless enough to make some or all of these mistakes, I doubt many of those care enough to be reading financial advice columns. I would think a more profound and relevant piece could have been produced with a little effort.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, October 17, 2007, 5:00PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Ben, this was a low effort outing. It sounds like you are complaining more than giving financial advice.

  • Bourbon - Wednesday, October 17, 2007, 3:58PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Sounds like Penelope Trunk ghostwrote this column for Ben. Her type of tripe.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, October 17, 2007, 3:01PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    Anyone that makes a living in sales should know these things already. If you DO practice these 10 steps on a regular basis....find a new career.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, October 17, 2007, 10:28AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    That's great. Tomorrow print the same 10 and title it Physician Heal Thyself. They do all of that and more. - An RN

  • StevenL - Wednesday, October 17, 2007, 9:34AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    I am a good salesman and most of the 10 points are basic to making a sale. It's a very good article and should be used as a 'teaching' aid in schools. I think the list could be shortened because a few of the points seem redundant.

  • originator - Wednesday, October 17, 2007, 9:22AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 5/5

    Good stuff. You don't have to be a salesperson to benefit from this guidance. All important relationships will improve if you consider the needs of the other person and work to make your presentation clear and concise.

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, October 17, 2007, 12:09AM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    I noticed that one of the "5-star" fonts of wisdom wrote, "Some people should keep their moths closed, otherwise they just show their ignorance." Hey, genius... heed your own advice. lmao

  • james - Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 9:28PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 4/5

    hi ben. funny article . see you at the meeting in palm desert. o , you right, stocks better than real estate. no property tax. $$$$ making machines. r.e to cyclical. rsvp............later, california kid 20 years.

  • John - Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 9:12PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Economically and financially this article is full of nearly worthless information, of course no one is going to insult or be rude to their customers, if they are their business will surely fail. Utterly a waste of time to read, ben should stick to his specialty of game shows and commercials.

  • Dee - Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 9:07PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Poor dumb sheep, following bens advise is like following a blind man going through a marked mine field!!! Follow me sheep.... Baaaaaa.... BOOOM!!

  • Yahoo! Finance User - Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 8:12PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    Did anyone find this article helpful or insightful? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

  • Mark - Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 7:17PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 2/5

    Ben needs more Clear Eyes. His advice is really insightful about a third of the time. Point 6 and 9 are the same. The heal thyself paragraph repeats the cliche "take a step back." How to write a bad article: don't proofread what you just wrote before posting. If it weren't for those mistakes, I would print this and hand it to every rude salesperson I met. My ex-girlfriend liked sarcasm. Lots of people like sarcasm. They like dishing it up, but nobody likes being on the recieving end. Napolean Hill didn't write Think And Grow Rich by interviewing 500 people who focus on failing at business.

  • Khana - Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 6:43PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    Remmebr the old adage...if you don't have anything good to say......(then don't write an article in Yahoo Finance about any old thing. I would preferred to see a blank spot for this weeks column instead of this.

  • __A_YAHOO_USER__ - Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 5:32PM ET  Report Abuse

    • Overall: 1/5

    THIS GUY IS A GENIUS..SHOULD STICK WITH TEACHING 2YR OLDS..SHOULD NOT BE WRITING FOR YAHOO...BETTER YET, SHOULD COUNSEL BUSH ON ETHICS.

Showing comments 6-35 of 177<< PreviousNext >>
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