NSA WILL ALLOW CITIZENS TO BUY BACK PERSONAL DATA
Dec 06, 2013 | The Daily Currant
If you're concerned about the federal government collecting and storing your personal information online, worry no more.
The National Security Agency (NSA) announced today its new 'Private Data Buy-Back Program' which will allow ordinary citizens to purchase their personal data - including emails, phone records and browsing histories - thus removing them from government servers.
According to sources inside the agency, THERE WILL BE TWO WAYS FOR AMERICAN CITIZENS TO BUY BACK THEIR PRIVATE INFORMATION. THE FIRST (PLAN A) WOULD ALLOW US CITIZENS TO BUY ALL THEIR INFORMATION UP FRONT FOR A HEFTY PRICE OF $20,000. THE SECOND (PLAN B) WOULD ALLOW THEM TO RENT THE INFORMATION ON A MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION PLAN OF $30 PER MONTH.
DEALS HAVE BEEN REACHED WITH CELL PHONE AND INTERNET PROVIDERS THAT ALLOW FOR THE SUBSCRIPTION FEE TO BE INCLUDED IN REGULAR MONTHLY STATEMENTS. IF A PAYMENT IS MISSED, HOWEVER, THE INFORMATION WOULD GO BACK INTO THE NSA'S DATABASES.
In a press conference at NSA headquarters in Forte Meade, Maryland. the agency attempted to explain the plan to a confused public.
“It’s going to be incredibly costly for the average American," said NSA Marketing Executive Brad Maddox. "And the PLAN B does not relate to the Plan B Morning After Pill, we can't stress that enough." As for more details on the price, "It cost a lot of money to collect the data in the first place so we feel it’s only right to cover our cost, then add 20 to 25 percent. That added cost is to help pay down the national debt.”
"THE MOST AMERICAN THING YOU COULD DO IS PURCHASE YOUR DATA BACK FROM THE NSA. WITH YOUR HELP WE CAN KEEP THE COUNTRY SAFE AND SECURE, PLUS MANAGE THE DEBT," SAID PRESIDENT OBAMA AT HIS WEEKLY LUNCHEON WITH MAJOR MEDIA OUTLETS.
“WE ARE STILL OBVIOUSLY COLLECTING YOUR DATA," MR. MADDOX SAID. "SO BY THE TIME YOU BUY BACK THE INFORMATION, DATA, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT, WE WILL ALREADY HAVE ANOTHER BIG BATCH FOR YOU TO BUY. QUITE FRANKLY, ONCE WE ANALYZE IT, IT’S JUST SITTING THERE DOING NOTHING. WE WILL NO DOUBT HAVE CUSTOMERS FOR LIFE. IT’S DEFINITELY A GREAT BUSINESS MODEL.”
“WE’LL SEND YOU A NICE DROPBOX FILE. OR FOR AN EXTRA FEE, WE CAN MAIL YOU PRINTED OUT DOCUMENTS OF BASICALLY EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE ONLINE FOR THE PAST 12 YEARS. THE CHOICE IS YOURS,” SAID MR. MADDOX. “WE DO NOT RECOMMEND SHOWING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER ANY OF THE INFO, if you think the divorce rate is high now, this buy back program could annihilate marriage as we know it,” he added.
As for foreigners, they have to pay on a tier based pricing system. “We feel that Chancellor Merkel’s information is worth much more than some random grape farmer in France.”
"I don't know what to make of all this," said Daniel Bryan, a Cleveland barber. "I'd rather not be buried by the authority. I'd almost rather not know what they have on me. I just want to trim peoples beards in peace."
AS TO IF THEY WILL ACTUALLY ERASE THEIR DATA AND SEND YOU THE COMPLETE FILE, MR. MADDOX REPLIED,” OF COURSE YOU CAN TRUST US, WE ARE THE NSA.”
Sentiment: Strong Buy
elk, when Gary announced the additional billion shares I knew this day would come. Now that Lanza is out the coffin has been nailed shut. That's why I've been stocking up on provisions. There's nothing anyone can do at this point but accept it. It was fun while it lasted. The RWNJs will be out there on their surfboards trying to ride the wave but there's no chance they won't smack a tree or a building on the way inland. That's a shame. ACTC has made it clear that Lanza will only stay if Keep asks Gary to stay, so our fate is literally in his hands.
I bet Mandela could've took muhammad ali back in the day during his boxing years?He looked angrier than Mike Tyson did after he bit Holyfields ear off in some old boxing photos.
Well, blue, we do have to give Cheney credit for being a stand up guy who is a credit to his own tribe of snarling, hate-mongering, pathetic and incredibly destructive characters.
Sentiment: Strong Buy
LIMBAUGH: WH, MEDIA ARE MAKING MANDELA'S DEATH 'ALL ABOUT OBAMA'
[[A great point here by Limbaugh as everyone knows Mandela's death should be "All About Limbauhg."]
The Huffington Post | By Chris Gentilviso | 12/06/2013
Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh lashed out the White House and the media on Friday, accusing both parties of making Nelson Mandela's death all about President Barack Obama.
During his Friday radio show, Limbaugh claimed Obama was "doing everything and anything he can to link himself to Mandela."
Via a transcript from Limbaugh's website:
Without Mandela there might not have been an Obama? I'll tell you who's putting this out there. It's Obama doing everything and anything he can to link himself to Mandela, and the Clintons are the same thing. We got a nickname for him, The Funeral Crashers. I mean, they'll show up anywhere where there's a camera. This kind of stuff, the Drive-Bys, I'm telling you, they're doing everything they can to make the news of Mandela's death all about Obama.
Shortly after the news broke Thursday that Mandela died, Obama praised the South African leader for achieving "more than could be expected of any man."
"I am one of the countless millions who drew inspiration from Nelson Mandela's life," Obama said, referencing protests against apartheid as one of his first political actions. "I cannot fully imagine my own life without the example set by Nelson Mandela."
Limbaugh dismissed Obama's words, pointing a finger at the media for always making the conversation about one man -- the president.
"Now, if you're Obama -- speaking quite honestly here, folks -- who could blame Obama for thinking everything is about him?," Limbaugh said Friday. "The media makes everything about him."
Sentiment: Strong Buy
Phil, I think tranny green Norman has lost control here by not taking his fem and bi-pole meds..jt
When Conservatives Branded Nelson Mandela A Terrorist
12 comments, 1 called-out Comment Now
#$%$ Cheney, Vice President of the United States.
#$%$ Cheney, Vice President of the United States. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
With the passing of President Nelson Mandela—arguably the most transformative world figure of the last century—our nation’s airwaves are awash in soaring and well deserved testimonials from all sides of the American political spectrum. While the memorials are both heartwarming and sad, the loss of Mandela has also resulted in a great many conversations providing important historical perspective and context via the media coverage—perspective that helps us more fully understand and appreciate just how remarkable and inspirational were the accomplishments of Nelson Mandela.
Indeed, so critical is Mandela to modern world history, each and every one of the living American presidents are planning to travel to South Africa next week to participate in a memorial service honoring the man who is considered the father of the South African nation.
However, there is one retired Vice-President of the United States that will likely not be attending any memorials for this great hero of humanity—either in South Africa or right here at home.
It was #$%$ Cheney who, while serving as Wyoming’s Republican congressman back in 1986, found it simply beyond his capacity to distinguish between a freedom fighter committed to ending South Africa’s brutal system of apartheid—one of the most evil political systems ever to scar the planet—and a terrorist.
You see, in the mind of #$%$ Cheney, Nelson Mandela, and those whom he led in the African National Congress, were, indeed, terrorists.
In 1986, the United States Congress, finally coming to grips with the evil that was apartheid, succeeded in passing a bi-partisan bill calling for tough sanctions to be imposed on South Africa and its white leaders until such time as the African nation brought their apartheid laws to an end and freed political prisoners like Nelson Mandela.
While there was no shortage of Congressional Republicans who voted in support of the bill, Congressman #$%$ Cheney was not one of them. To Cheney, a vote to sanction South Africa for continuing generations of brutal rule would be to cast his support in favor of a terrorist organization who sought to bring an end to the despicable status quo in that country.
When the bill sent over to the White House by Congress was vetoed by then President Ronald Reagan who—along with his ultra-conservative friend, Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher— believed Mandela’s ANC group to be a terrorist organization, Congress successfully overrode Reagan’s veto and made the legislation the law of the land.
That law was one of the most moral and ethical things our Congress has ever done and it only happened because Congressional Republicans were willing to stand up to a Republican President and support what was simply the right thing to do. People like Indiana’s GOP Senator Richard Lugar and Kansas GOP Congresswoman Nancy Kasselbaum heroically defied Ronald Reagan and, for the first time, Congress overrode the desires of the Reagan White House on a matter of foreign policy.
Yet, not only did #$%$ Cheney vote against the measure on the first go-round, he also voted to uphold the President’s veto when the matter came back to Congress.
It’s more than clear that Cheney was very much on the wrong side of history. If you question that, take a look at the parade of both Republican and Democratic leaders from days gone by who are paying tribute to Mr. Mandela today.
Still, people make mistakes and, over time, these errors in judgment can form the basis of a more well-rounded and well-informed perspective that allows people to get it right when similar issues appear somewhere down the road. Certainly, #$%$ Cheney must have come to see that his vote had been misguided and that his efforts in support the ghastly, malevolent system that was apartheid was a true blot on his legislative record, yes?
Not so much.
As recently as the year 2000, while campaigning as the nominee of the Republican Party to become our Vice President, Cheney showed up on ABC’s “This Week” program to defend his vote, stating that “the ANC was then viewed as a terrorist organization.” As a result, said Cheney, “ I don’t have any problems at all with the vote I cast 20 years ago.”
This Lanza contract tsunami headed for us is really scary, philmy. Especially with Mailer now gone. If he were still alive we would be positioned on the beach on the Atlantic side of Provincetown and stop it himself in its tracks. But now we have no recourse. And it's probably even worse for the RWNJs. This is not quite how the end of days was supposed to begin.
Sentiment: Strong Buy
Re: "No respect for teachers is the problem and teacher unions that let morons teach,, B"
That's what I said Bum, we have to beat the #$%$ out of those insolent punks. Wasn't if Teddy Roosevelt who said carry a big stick and beat the #$%$ out of any grade schoolers smaller than you.
Sentiment: Strong Buy
Re: "elk- i don't worry about things that i have no control over. i believe obamacare is much more intrinsic than the NSA"
acehole, what do you mean by "intrinsic" or did you intend to say intrusive?
And do you think the NSA is not a threat to you and yours?
Sentiment: Strong Buy
"I do not like"
You do not like green in hand,
you do not like it deme i am?
Deme2 that's who you be,
an ignorant fool that's plain to see.
Some day soon alot of green for me,
will make a bundle on ACT.
So deme2 you sit and bash,
now on your backside you have a rash.
I think all of you are one ID,
lucky, snap, muzz, johnnycakes
and the goat roper jt.
Ya Sen.Ted Cruz RACISM is penny ante too? Oregon is blue ye blame "the Republican vaunted wisdom...." I am now concerned about ya sanity and mental health, and I ain't laughing at you this time.