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  • elk_1l elk_1l Mar 26, 2013 9:49 AM Flag


    Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker, March 25, 2013

    (The Borowitz Report)—As the Supreme Court prepared to hear two cases involving same-sex marriage this week, Justice Antonin Scalia said that he would not allow his votes to be influenced “in any way” by his lifelong fear of gays.

    “As Justices of the Supreme Court, we have a sacred duty to check our personal feelings at the door,” he told the Fox News Channel. “In my case, that means putting aside my longstanding and profound fear of homosexuals.”

    Justice Scalia added that he was committed “to safeguarding the rights of all Americans—even those I personally find terrifying.”

    “I take my role as an impartial arbiter very seriously,” he said. “So when I hear a case, I put all feelings of abhorrence, disgust, and revulsion completely out of my mind.”

    The Justice said that when it came to the issue of same-sex marriage he would rely on the Constitution, “which makes no mention of gays whatsoever.”

    “Remember, when the framers wrote the Constitution, there were no gays in America,” he said. “They didn’t come here until the nineteen-sixties.”

    All in all, he said, advocates of same-sex marriage should rest assured that he will listen to this week’s arguments with an open mind: “I’m going to apply the same robust sense of fairness that I’ve brought to cases involving blacks and women.”

    Sentiment: Strong Buy

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    • Yeah OK Scalia, you hypocrite, if you are saying " I put all feelings of abhorrence, disgust, and revulsion completely out of my mind" you obviously haven't put them anywhere but out there for the public to hear. What a fake. Oh, and gays weren't here until the sixties? Is he F'n serious? LOL LOL LOL LOL. It's amazing that someone so completely ignorant to human behavior can actually be making decisions ABOUT human behavior. Doth protest too much methinks Scalia. These guys that speak and act so violently about gays are revealing their inner uncertainty about their own sexually which they've suppressed forever. Scalia seems to be under the delusion that just because a man is gay, he must want Scalia and all men for that matter. Scalia was in his 20's and 30's in the SIXTIES, a perfect age to experiment and it seems to be the years he identifies with gayness. He's a Pisces, the symbol has 2 fish, swimming in opposite directions. Oh yeah Scalia, say it loud and say it proud "I'm the most ignorant Supreme Court justice". Hey Scalia, at your age of 77 I don't think you need to carry that "lifelong" fear of gays, there's not a big market for geezers in the gay world big guy. LOL. PS: I'm wondering if he put all that HATE out there so he'd validate the fact that he's anti-gay so that he can go ahead and actually approve the right of gays to marry. That way all his family and friends won't think he's a big ol' girl himself. LOL. You go with your bad self Scally.