1. Your newborn must attend the newcomers' orientation briefing within
the first 30 days.
2. Your wife's two favorite shades of lipstick are light green and loam.
3. You go to a barbecue and insist that your family feed tactically.
4. You make your children clear housing before they go off to college.
5. You require your mechanic to replace the sandbags on your
floorboards as part of a tune-up.
6. Your POV is equipped with blackout lights.
7. Your doorbell sounds off with the current challenge and password.
8. You give the command "Fix Bayonets" at Thanksgiving Dinner.
9. Your kids show their meal cards at the kitchen door, except the
oldest, who is on separate rations, and must pay for the meal.
10. You make your daughter sign out on pass on Prom Night.
11. Your kindergartner calls recess a "smoke break".
12. You do your "back to school" shopping at the U.S. Cavalry Store.
13. Your kids call the tooth fairy "Slicky Boy".
14. Your kids salute their grandparents.
15. Your wife's "high-n-tight" is more squared away than your
16. Your kids get an LES with their allowance.
17. Your pick-up has your name stenciled on the windshield.
18. Your older kids call the youngest one "Cherry" or F-N-G.
19. Your kids recite their ABCs phonetically.
20. Your wife left you and you held a "Change of Command" ceremony.
21. You call your in-laws the "Slice Elements".
22. Your dog's name is "Ranger".
23. All your possessions are military issue.
24. You have pull-up bars outside the kitchen door.
25. Your daughter's first haircut was a flattop.
26. Your newborn's first words were "all OK Jumpmaster".
27. You decorate your Christmas Tree with Chem Lights and Engineer Tape.
28. You've given your children an Article 15.
29. And you are Too Hooah if you understood all of these expressions