Titan's Liquidity and the Untapped Seas of Hdrocarbons
Propelled past the rings of Saturn, now gazing on the 'planet' Titan, Cassini discovered a rare sight with her Optelecom/NKF surveillance cameras--a liquid sea of hydrocarbons the size of Monatana. President Bush immediately exclaimed that we must free that fuel from it's frozen tryanny and bring it back to the earth. Legislation is being drawn up in the early morning hours that will fund one of the longest and costliest pipelines in universal history. "Yes, my fellow Americans, man is investing toward the far reaches of our solar system, we are going to tap the comsos!" Investors in OPTC on the earth woke to the news and began to buy as many shares as possible. "Someone has to monitor the immense industrial complexes on Titan and such a long lane of traffic and pipe in space." Within a few hours the demand for all OPTC products on the earth has increased astronomically. Autographed products are being auctioned off in London, Paris, and New York. That first brave camera in space is already destined for the Smithsonian Museum.
Teddy says hold on to your shares! Because... Warren Buffet is waiting by his famous phone for a call-back. Space enthusiast Mr. Allen is ready to sell some of his losing assets just for rights to reproduce historic first edition autographed defense contracts. Inventor Gates thinks that famous camera from space will look cool on one of his many cars--better yet, watching over them in his garage.
This recent news article from the heart of space has stimulated such response worldwide from people and corporations demanding to know why they never were informed of such a camera that could reach so far into space on its own. Apparently NASA PASSENGER MANIFESTS show no such entity onboard this craft or any spacecraft in the vicinity. It is surmised that this camera has been somehow acting on its own and moving under its own form of propulsion. We don't know the nature of this propulsion yet. Guesses range from various forms of self-evolving propulsion, to a kinetic push and draw "energia" related to primal matter transmitting from some undetermined mysterious point in space. But the main point is how is it that this 'camaera' escaped from the R&D facility! (If indeed this is true.) And even more puzzling, how it acquired it's provisional powers to monitor this interplanetary event so far from home. Our amateur scientists at my location keep coming up with explanations like 'self-evolving entity' and 'wavelength source origination omnipresense'. We are all stifled and baffled for an explanation. As our communications facility has been overloaded today with questions from all over the planet, please be patient as we try to grapple with this immense discovery. We promise to do our best to make sense of all this. It is important for us to find out if this 'company system' is a prototype under construction for the government or if it was just one of the 'ordinary' premium devices designed and manufactured by the company that somehow decided to venture off on its own. Right now we just don't know. Please be patient while we make order of this.
Lastly I wish to thank all the people mentioned in this article for their support and cooperation while we investigate. The president of the United States even called us with questions. He left us with encouraging words, but was adamant that we must "find that 'seeing device' at all costs." "It is of the utmost priority that we recover this Universal Hero."