Mon, Oct 20, 2014, 10:51 PM EDT - U.S. Markets closed

Recent

% | $
Quotes you view appear here for quick access.

Apple Inc. Message Board

  • the_planters_guy the_planters_guy May 4, 2003 5:48 PM Flag

    So I says to Martha, I says

    what do you do with those stubborn grass stains. She says, "I use colorfast bleach with a little bit of grain alcohol." I says, "Grain alcohol! Are ya some kind of lush?" Then out of the blue she smacks me square in the chops! I says, "Martha, what the f*ck's got into you! You silly b*tch!" So she up and kicks me in the nuts!

    Now I am normally a patient person. Not getting angry at the little things is a sure sign of intelligence. However, even I have my limits. After all, delivering a slap in the chops and a kick in the nuts is no way to carry on a civilized conversation.

    So I grab Martha by the short hairs. For those who don't know it, the short hairs are those that can be commonly found in the nether regions below the wasteline but above the knees. I grab Martha by the short hairs and start pulling. She lets out a wail like you never heard before. Scared the neighbors into yesterday. She starts saying, "Let me go you little scum bucket pr*ck or I'll". and I say, "You'll what? You ain't doing sh*t Martha. I got you just where I want you."

    Martha looked quite concerned as she really had no clear shot at any critical area of my body and was starting to turn a pale green from the pain.

    I said, " Martha, I'll make a deal with you. You promise not to retaliate and I will let you go." Martha looked dissatisfied with the outcome but resigned to her plight. She replied, "OK, but I ain't gonna tell you sh*t about how to get oil stains out of polyester sweaters."

    I agreed and let go Martha's short hairs.

    _________________

    What was the point of this story?

    There was none. Just like their's no point in investing in AAPL.

 
AAPL
99.76+2.09(+2.14%)Oct 20 4:00 PMEDT

Trending Tickers

i
Trending Tickers features significant U.S. stocks showing the most dramatic increase in user interest in Yahoo Finance in the previous hour over historic norms. The list is limited to those equities which trade at least 100,000 shares on an average day and have a market cap of more than $300 million.