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Altria Group Inc. Message Board

  • deebc14526 deebc14526 Oct 31, 2004 12:53 PM Flag

    My laugh

    While this probably has been seen before, I couldn't resist a repeat. The only thing that needs correction: While Theresa owns a great deal of Heinz stock, and may be entitled to a seat on the BOD, she is not directly responsible for decisions. Heinz does have plants abroad.

    JOB APPLICATION

    NAME: John Kerry

    RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth
    multi-millions. I served in Vietnam (four months).

    EXPERIENCE: Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to
    cut every law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of
    Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering
    my neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four months).

    MILITARY: I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to
    get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as
    documented by the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I
    then returned to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and
    insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were
    baby killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals,
    ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans
    Against the War: The New Soldier", shows how I truly feel about the
    military. I served in Vietnam (four months).

    COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my
    counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted
    to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A

    PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress
    and have been there ever since I have no real world experience except
    marrying very rich women and running their companies vicariously through
    them. I served in Vietnam (four months).

    ACCOMPLISHMENTS: As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal
    voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have
    consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against their
    budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I
    voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted
    for it. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to
    help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected.
    I served in Vietnam (four months).

    My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will
    never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have never
    agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite family
    wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).

    I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places
    like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost
    of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for sending all of
    the other jobs out of Country. I served in Vietnam (four months).

    Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy
    and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil
    our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served in Vietnam (four
    months).

    RECORDS AND REFERENCES: None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).

    PERSONAL I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I ride a
    Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream V Jet the
    "Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the
    "Scarmouche".

    I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.

    I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer
    mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and
    blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four
    months).

    SortNewest  |  Oldest  |  Most Replied Expand all replies
    • that's alright.....if elected he'll show those &%#*^^$ military micreants that voted against him!

      Take away their vote, he will.

    • "That took him out of the country to England."

      Then on to the Kremlin.....

    • Why would Fox want to distort what Ron Popeil says?

      Must be a Clinton kitchen cabinet fettish thing :-)

    • Bet'cha the Brits are rueing the day they sent all those prisoners off to that penal colony in the South Pacific, Australia.

      Only to have one of 'em (Murdock) come back 150 years later to haunt them with the most popular information and news channel on the planet :-)

      And pro-American to boot

    • << War is war. That does not excuse those who did not act within Geneva Convention guidelines. >>

      Isn't that kind of what I said? That some people acted in a way that was reprehensible and was rightly denounced by others.

      << They were guilty, but NOT ALL who served. >>

      No, but a good number of them were, and it sucks that the others who served had to live with the reputation. It sucks that all lawyers have to live with a bad reputation too. It sucks that all of MRK's drugs will get a bad reputation just because of VIOXX. If you can think of a way to avoid such consequences, let me know.

      But the fact remains that there were lots of things done over there by US troops that the entire country should be ashamed of, even more so than sending troops over there in the first place. So maybe it's a case of 99% of them giving the rest a bad name. The soldiers got "tarred" as representatives of a country that fought a pointless and needlessly bloody war. I guess they had already blamed enough Presidents for it, and it was time to blame the people who did the actual killing.

      << Yes, it was an unpopular war, are any wars popular? >>

      Yes. Pretty much the entire US was behind Gulf War I, and even more so in WWI and WWII. The people saw the reason for those wars, and supported the troops in whatever way they could.

      << weasel out? Ask the men/women who served how they felt about those who 'weaseled out'. (yeah, lucky slobs) >>

      I think you're making my point here. Plenty of people who served would have weaseled out if they had found a way. How can you come down so hard on a few of the people who tried to get out of Vietnam, just because they were successful? Even the people who went only fought half-assed, and came home as soon as they could.

      ^v^:)^v^
      FB

    • PLEASE go to www.factcheck. org before you give us any more of you 'facts'.

    • War is war. That does not excuse those who did not act within Geneva Convention guidelines. They were guilty, but NOT ALL who served. Yes, it was an unpopular war, are any wars popular?

      Those hearings should have been held in private and reminded some of us too much of the McCarthy hearings which tarred many innocent people for years.

      We now have something called 'the sunshine law' which allows gov't to hearings in private concerning matters of personnel. this is the way I feel about Kerry's role. It definitely should have been dealt with.

      Do not forget, Kerry was appointed to the Intelligence Committee in the last few years. He had access to the knowledge that he claims the President had/has. BUT he has only attended four meetings of that group!

      weasel out? Ask the men/women who served how they felt about those who 'weaseled out'. (yeah, lucky slobs)

    • The Fox News Liars are cynically distorting the reports about peopel and events, and clearly leave out important pieces of iformation. Clinton did get as many deferrments as he possibly could, but in the end, he was in the draft pool when the lottery system was employed in 1971. He was eligible for the draft, only he got lucky with his birthday. The fox News Liars have neve said that Clinton actually was open and eligible for the draft, but made much about his LEGAL deferrments. Kerry did the same, but actually volunteered for two tours in Viet Nam. The Fox News Liars never bothered to inform people that Kerry actually served 2 tours, andlet their hate-filled cynical 'guests' dontinually distort the facts.

      For intellectual honesty, you must stop listening to the Fox News Liars.

    • Sorry.........
      Clinton at the time of his 'draft', had applied for a Rhodes scholarship. That took him out of the country to England. One of the requirements for a Rhodes Sch. is believing in 'no war'. ANd that did not come from Fox or any of the obscure newspapers, blogs, etc.

      BTW, why are you knocking Fox when the other channels are so definitely liberal? Isn't it only fair that there should be one channel, at least, for the other side?

      I know, you think Dan Rather is the highest authority!!!

    • Theresa will be released from Gore�s Lock Box on November 3rd.

    • View More Messages
 
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