VLAD PUTIN INVITES MAGIC KNEE-GROW TO DINE WITH HIM AT BEACH RESORT IN CRIMEA
Vladimir Putin feels bad for humiliating the unqualified American President - Magic Knee-Grow. Vlad knows that famed British historian Niall Ferguson already publicly condemned Magic Knee-Grow and said, "Magic Knee-Grow is not qualified to lead Western Civilization."
Putin knows that Magic Knee-Grow still has feelings. So, Vlad invited him to a buffet of many of Magic Knee-Grow's favorite seafood dishes. Deep Fried Barracuda. Sauteed Jack Fish. Mullet. All of Magic Knee-Grow's favorites.
Putin will have lots of Colt 45 Malt Liquor on hand and then, after dinner explain to Magic Knee-Grow that he just took Finland and Estonia/Latvia and Lithuania.
Magic Knee-Grow, feeling no pain after drinking the free Malt liquor responded, "Finland? Estonia? Latvia?
Lithuania? I don't even know where they are. Don't worry about it. I told Medvedev two years ago that I wasn't going to have more flexibility after my re-election. Don't worry Vlad - America is no longer going to make life tough for our Russian friends. I'm always against war with you guys! If you want England or France. Take it. I don't care about those White countries. They deserve what they get."
The next morning, Magic Knee-Grow woke up in an empty bed in the resort at Crimea. He hears a knock at the door. It's his Watusi.
"Hey, what are you doing outside in your underwear?"
"Didn't you know. Putin told me he wanted to show me what a real man could do. You were drunk, singing with the Russians and he took me back to his room - and banged me for hours. He was great. I realized what a wimp I'm married to. I want to get away from you."
Magic Knee-Grow: "Good. I've always wanted a White woman anyway. I just married you so I could get elected. I'm done with you. There are plenty of young co-eds who worship me. And, we're rich so I can afford to divorce you."
Watusi: "You'll give me every penny you have buster. I already got Vlad to agree to make take care of you - if I don't get everything. And, I mean EVERYTHING!"
Magic Knee-Grow, slumped into his chair. Defeated. How did it come to this?