Ah's hankerin' a noo pickup truck so ah can take th' fambly on over t'see th' fiscal cliff. Th' fiscal cliff is a long way fum mah home. It's in Loafers Glo'y, No'th Carolina. Ah like thet town! Fry mah hide! It reminds me of mah special govment intitlement program, donja no.
T'other day ah went t'th' gm dealership an' met a nice man name Shythaid an' when ah was thar ah ate cookies an' crackers an' they gave me some coke, it was dr. peppar, an' then ah went outside t'dive a noo pickemup but ah fell an' scraped mah knee so shythaid brought me back inside an' he'ped me warsh it out an' it didn’t hurt at all.
ah nevah gotta take thet tess drive. Shythaid said ah did not haf th' right qualificashuns t'drive th' noo pickemup truck. Shet mah mouth! Whuffo' I’ve been drivin' trucks on account o' mah momma was told by th' nice po-liceman thet she was too liqured up t'drive. Momma made th' decishun right thar t'have me does th' drivin' fum now on.
So now ah have t'figger out how t'prove t'Shythaid thet ah's qualified t'drive. Shythaid said thet eff'n ah come back at th' end of th' month they sometimes make 'ceptions on qualificashuns in o'der t'move th' invento'y. ah hope he is right on account o' ah's hankerin' t'take mah fambly t'see th' fiscal cliff befo'e them politishians ru’n it.
Ah still don’t knows whut spiff an' APR an' Zero Percent means, dawgone it.
Ah have t'go now, th' guy thet uses this hyar computer is a-comin' back fum his a six pack, ah mean coffee bust. He sits an' looks at his computer screen all day long, acco'din' t' th' code o' th' heells! He tells me he has a diso'der called internet trollin'. Ah reckon he’s jest lazy as a houn'dog.