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Elan Corporation, plc Message Board

  • rjmcbear rjmcbear Jul 13, 2005 11:41 AM Flag

    Mars and Venus on a boring day

    ----- "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the
    woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet
    I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
    "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
    "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come
    shopping with me, and I figured this was the most
    evil thing I could do to him legally."


    UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
    (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

    I know I'm not going to understand women.
    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax
    pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
    and still be afraid of a spider.


    MARRIAGE SEMINAR

    While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
    communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the
    instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know
    the things that are important to each other."
    He addressed the man,
    "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
    Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
    whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
    The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.


    CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down
    the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can
    help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of
    tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct
    aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
    balls and a ball of string on the counter.
    She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for
    some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent
    my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
    and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
    papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
    So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she.



    WIFE VS. HUSBAND
    A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
    not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
    argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
    position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
    and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
    "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."




    CREATION
    A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
    can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
    " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
    me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


    WHO DOES WHAT
    A man and his wife were having an argument about who
    should brew the coffee each morning.
    The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up
    first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
    The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking
    around here and you should do it, because that is your
    job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
    Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
    is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
    Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New
    Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
    that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"


    The Silent Treatment

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
    each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
    next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
    morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
    silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
    "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
    he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his
    wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
    The paper said, "It

 
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