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  • nubuzzman nubuzzman Feb 15, 2006 9:36 PM Flag

    Hot off the press

    Breaking News
    Stunning Comeback for Former FEMA Chief

    Washington was abuzz today about one of the most stunning political comebacks in years as President George W. Bush named former FEMA Chief Michael Brown to a new Cabinet-level post, Secretary of Defensiveness.

    In his new position, Mr. Brown will be responsible for coming up with excuses for all of the other Cabinet-level departments "whenever they screw up," Mr. Bush said.

    After he was dismissed from his FEMA job in the aftermath of the Hurricane Katrina debacle, most Washington observers had left Mr. Brown's political career for dead, but the former FEMA chief's nonstop stream of defensive remarks before Congress last Friday set the stage for his astonishing return to power.

    "As I watched Brownie making all of those excuses and blaming everything on me, at first I got real mad," Mr. Bush told reporters at the White House. "But then, after about an hour or so, I thought to myself, dang, he's good."

    The president said that Mr. Brown's first assignment as Secretary of Defensiveness would be to come up with some excuses for the way the war In Iraq is going.

    But Mr. Brown warned that Iraq was "such a mess," making excuses for it would "take some time" and that "it could be awhile before the excuses arrive."

    In response to Mr. Brown's warning, Mr. Bush expressed admiration for his new Cabinet officer: "He can even make excuses for why he hasn't made excuses yet."

    Elsewhere, elsewhere, President Bush's new Medicare drug plan will provide aspirin for people who attempted to understand the plan.

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