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AT&T, Inc. Message Board

  • echo2165 echo2165 Nov 13, 2012 8:29 AM Flag

    Secession?...

    ...

    Ironically, I see this morning that some of those folks who are not at all pleased with the outcome of the election have decided to sign symbolic petitions to secede from the United States.

    I say “ironically” because I just got this from a friend (origination unknown). I don’t know if this was in response to the petitions or not, but, regardless, it suggests that their secession might not be such a bad idea. This is obviously written tongue in cheek, as I can’t recall previous times when losing the election caused sore losers to whine about starting their own country. I thought democracy meant standing united behind the will of the majority, not “if I don’t get my own way I’m gonna’ take my ball and go home. Boo-Hoo.”

    A Message to the Red States

    We're tired of your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving.

    We in the Blue States intend to form our own country.

    In case you aren't aware, this will include California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.

    We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

    To sum up briefly:

    You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

    We get stem cell research and the Rocky Mountains.

    We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.

    We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

    We get Google, Apple, Yahoo and Tesla. You get Colonel Sanders.

    We get Stanford. You get Ole' Miss.

    We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

    We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

    Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

    With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulphur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Princeton, Cal Tech and MIT.

    With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

    We get Olympic National Park and Yosemite, thank you.

    38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61% of you crazy bas#ards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

    We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

    Sincerely,

    Citizen of the Enlightened States of America

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