BOISE, Idaho (Routers) — Police have arrested one of two men who they believe broke into an Idaho zoo the night a monkey there died from blunt-force trauma, but questions remain about how and why the animal was killed.
The suspect, a white supremacist who goes only by the name lavender, lives in a lean-to somewhere in the Selway-Bitterfoot Wilderness Area of Idaho and operates a still and clandestine meth lab somewhere along the Selway River. It’s believed the suspect came in out of the wilderness and broke into the Boise Zoo after hours seeking companionship, and possibly in search of a mate to capture and take back to his primitive camp as his bride.
Closed circuit videos show that after being rejected by gorillas at the Primate Building, being scoffed at by the entire baboon collection and unceremoniously driven off by a tribe of orangutans, the suspect, in a fit of frustration and loneliness known only to reclusive, bigoted hermits, was arrested while furiously trying to spank a monkey.
Sadly, the monkey did not survive, although there is a good possibility that the suspect’s forlorn existence and frustration will soon be alleviated at his new home at The Idaho Correctional Facility with the companionship of his new roommate, J. Fred Rufus.