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  • echo2165 echo2165 Feb 22, 2013 9:34 PM Flag

    AHQ (final)...

    ...

    “It is a mathematical fact that the casting of this pebble from my hand alters the centre of gravity of the universe.” – Thomas Carlyle

    "My mother is a ventriloquist – but not professionally. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father…Finally, I got my brother to do it." – Wendy Liebman

    "New Rule: Someone has to tell Marco Rubio something I learned a long time ago: never get high before a show. You wind up making no sense, and you develop a bad case of cottonmouth. Plus, the next time Rubio panders to Latinos by releasing an all-Spanish version of a speech, when he stops for a water break, he has to drink from the hose." - Bill Maher

    “Who in the rainbow can draw the line where the violet tint ends and the orange tint begins? Distinctly we see the difference of the colors, but where exactly does the one first blendingly enter into the other? So with sanity and insanity.” – Herman Melville

    “When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, ‘jon, don't go near the cellar door!’ One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees…grass…flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun…” – jon

    "We're learning more about the Pope's condition. The Vatican announced that Pope Benedict hit his head during his March 2012 trip to Mexico. In fact, right after that, the Pope said he's sworn off spring break forever." - Jay Leno

    “Jazz is not dead - it just smells funny” – Frank Zappa

    “Get the facts, or the facts will get you. And when you get 'em, get 'em right, or they will get you wrong.” – Thomas Fuller

    “Rosa Parks showed us all that one little person can make a whole bunch of noise without so much as a whisper. She showed the world that the color of your skin shouldn't determine what part of the bus you sit in... as you ride through life.” – Richard Pryor

    “In November, Colorado voted to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. Currently, only Colorado residents can purchase marijuana in the state. But they may open it up to nonresidents too. The new state slogan is 'Come for the legal marijuana, stay because you forgot to leave’.” – Jimmy Kimmel

    “I stared down at the cemetery and the sight felt rich, rewarding, physically so, in the actual eyes. The very eyeball itself felt good. I became the most recent person on earth to see that everyone in every single or double plot had known life in all its extremes. They had all known extreme pain and stress; all been overjoyed. All had been enchanted; and they'd all known extreme grief so bad they thought it must be meant for another species.” – Robert Newman

    “Have a good weekend, all.” – echo2165

    “This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” – Dalai Lama

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    • ricky18201@ymail.com ricky18201 Feb 23, 2013 8:24 AM Flag

      Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

      Here is a little test that will help you decide.

      The answer can be found by posing the following question:

      You're walking down a deserted street with your wife
      and two small children.

      Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife
      comes around the corner,
      locks eyes with you,
      screams obscenities,
      raises the knife, and charges at you...

      You are carrying a
      Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
      You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
      What do you do?

      THINK CAREFULLY AND
      THEN SCROLL DOWN:

      Democrat's Answer:

      • Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

      • What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP?

      • Does the man look poor or oppressed?

      • Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?

      • Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

      • Could we run away?

      • What does my wife think?

      • What about the kids?

      • Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out
      of his hand?

      • What does the law say about this situation?

      • Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?

      • Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does
      this send to society and to my children?

      • Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

      • Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound
      me?

      • If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away
      while he was stabbing me?

      • Should I call 9-1-1?

      • Why is this street so deserted?

      • We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.

      • Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage
      such behavior.

      • I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to
      come to a consensus.

      • This is all so confusing!

      ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
      ......... ......... ...
      Republican's Answer:

      BANG!

      ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
      ......

      Southerner's Answer:

      BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
      BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
      Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
      BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
      BANG!
      BANG!
      BANG!
      Click

      Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!'
      'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!

      Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

      Wife: 'You are NOT taking that to a Taxidermist!

 
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