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  • echo2165 echo2165 Aug 24, 2013 12:37 AM Flag

    AHQ (cont.)...

    ...“I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.” - jon

    “We do not think good metaphors are anything very important, but I think that a good metaphor is something even the police should keep an eye on.” – Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

    “According to a new study, most men would like women to occasionally pick up the check. The study also found most women would occasionally like to be paid as much as men for doing the same job." - Conan O'Brien

    “This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says, ‘you like baseball?’ I said, ‘Oh, man, I love baseball.’ So he goes ‘Did you know that if Jesus had played ball, he'd have been the greatest ball player ever?’ Like I'm gonna argue with that logic. So I sat there for a second, and then I said, ‘did you know that if Babe Ruth had been the Messiah, the Catholics would have beer and hot dogs at Communion?’ He left.” – Bill Engvall

    “The waitress brought me another drink. She wanted to light my hurricane lamp again. I wouldn't let her. ‘Can you see anything in the dark, with your sunglasses on?’ she asked me.
    ‘The big show is inside my head,’ I said.” – Kurt Vonnegut

    "The makers of drones want the media to stop calling their unmanned aircrafts 'drones.' They don't like the name drones. The manufacturers said, we prefer the term 'surprise visitor’.” - Conan O'Brien

    “The beauty of physics lies in the extent to which seemingly complex and unrelated phenomena can be explained and correlated through a high level of abstraction by a set of laws which are amazing in their simplicity.” – Melvin Schwartz

    “I went to my doctor and told him, ‘Hey, Doc! I just took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. What should I do?"’He said, ‘Go home, have a couple of drinks, and get some rest’!” – Rodney Dangerfield

    “Have you ever watched footage of the destruction caused by hurricanes in America? When a big wind sweeps across America, there isn't a building left standing. And you can't help thinking: the Southern states of America must have been built by the first two little piggies.” – Dara O Briain

    “A subject for a great poet would be God's boredom after the seventh day of creation.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

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