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  • echo2165 echo2165 Oct 4, 2013 10:01 PM Flag

    AHQ (3)...

    ...“Every season hath its pleasure; Spring may boast her flowery prime, Yet the vineyard's ruby treasuries Brighten Autumn's sob'rer time.” – Thomas Moore

    “I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.” – Steven Wright

    "People are saying now that before the government shutdown congressmen went out and got drunk – celebrating that they had shut down the government. This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating." –David Letterman

    “Ninety percent of every war that's ever been fought is because of some made-up, mind control, completely fictional religion. You never hear in the news, ‘200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north.’ No, it's because you got a silly, placebo religion ‘cuz you don't want to admit that you don't have a clue.” – Doug Stanhope

    “Inevitably, the party trying to resolve a matter had to contend with the party most willing to exploit it.” – C. J. Cherryh

    "Yeah, money is tight right now in Washington. In fact after 128 years, the National Aquarium in D.C. may have to close because it's running out of money. Officials say they plan on relocating all the fish to another aquarium nearby – then the fish were like, 'Hey, isn't that a Red Lobster’?” - Jimmy Fallon

    “It won't be easy, that is why I have always failed where others have succeeded.” – Inspector Clouseau

    “The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.” – unknown

    "Texas Sen. Ted Cruz gave a 21-hour speech on the floor of the Senate during which he read Dr. Seuss' 'Green Eggs and Ham,' did an impression of Darth Vader, and admitted his love for White Castle. I'm not sure what Cruz's speech was arguing for, but I'm guessing legalizing weed." –Seth Meyers

    “During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.” - Richard Lewis

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    • ricky18201 Oct 5, 2013 7:52 AM Flag

      A guy is walking along a Florida beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.
      He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.

      The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."

      "Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."

      "OK, then, I want to die after the Democrats balance the budget and eliminate the debt.

      "You crafty little rascal," said the genie.

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