A Candlelight Vigil Will Be Held For Mark Pinus On Black Friday, November 23 At 7 P.M.
I know most will want to make the mad rush through the thresholds of your local Wall Marts for the exceptional holiday bargains, but this is more important. It is well known that Mr. Pinus has been suffering from acute melancholia the last few months in response to his ouster from The Billionaire Boys Club. In one of his very rare public appearances, he was nearly brought to tears over the demise of the bull dog. He now spends most days in full fetal position in front of the enormous mantle piece of his recently acquired Pacific Heights mansion. Watching the embers gently glow, Mark contemplates his ill fortune, and is often found mumbling these words, "Woe is me." The very best physicians and psychiatrists have been consulted to no avail, and in fact, his condition has only worsened of late. It is thought his wife and children have recently relocated to Tel Aviv, as Mark's mental anguish was becoming unbearable for the family.
It is time for all shareholders to demonstrate firm support for Mr. Pinus. It is in their best financial interests. If Mark cannot function at the helm of ZNGA, this company is surely doomed. It is also worth contemplating that line from John Donne more than four centuries ago, "Any man's death diminishes me." Yes, we must express empathy for the intense mental suffering of Mr. Pinus. It is highly suggested that attendees arrive early. Free Irish Coffee will be served to all. Don't forget your candles which will be simultaneously lit as we sing the Bull Dog Anthem in unison.