Thar she blows like a f a r t in a winstorm. Yall longs lissen up! You ben eatin soup with a fork long enuff. Elikes maw about to giv you sum soun advice. Dis hear ebait is wat thay call a short stox. My sun elike tryed to cunvince me dat hims fool inbestmint wuzza gunna make us richer den duck liver. Dat wus moore den 5 yers ago an he still aint broked eben! Now ifen he'd a gone short we'd dun moved on out of dis traler in tha back woods of kentuckee an into a cabin with indoor pumming long a go. My boy ben playin hockee with a warped stix fur yers. Wat is yur excuse ya daggone long dig bats? Have ya lost contax with tha muthership? Now git on tha fone with dat fool broakher of yers an tell em you'd cum out of yur comma an gonna cell tha bags to enywon willin to hold em.
We have I 'bean' hating you? Is it because I can get no "maw" of my own? Or grand maw, great grand maw, auntie, cousin, sister or even call girl of my own? I am definitely not the Marin' SIC (marrying) type.
Will no mint be Curiously Strong enough to ever cleanse my filthy pallet of me and John's failed board war?