Just in: EBAY TO DECLARE BANKRUPCY, MASSIVE SCANDAL UNRAVELS!!!
Inside sources are reporting Ebay is about to get hit with a massive class action lawsuit alleging a conspiracy between Ebay and its sellers to commit fraud and allow the sale of stolen merchandise to unsuspecting customers. The first of its kind, the lawsuit details how Ebay used their lobbying influence on capitol hill to bolster support for legislation that would hinder the consumer's rights to take legal action after receiving stolen goods sold on Ebay. CEO Mr. John J. Donahoe responded to allegations of the lawsuit with the following statement:
"We executives here at Ebay are truly terrible people. We have assuredly detached ourselves from the reminances of our humanity and are now simply money-sucking ghouls, bent on speeding up the collapse of society. We admit that we attract and subsist off the worst elements of white collar crime and we will surely go to hell for our actions."