DEAD SERIOUS ... this is the best advise I can give you ... PLEASE READ IT CAREFULLY. When the reality actually hits you and the realization of just how big the illusion of prosperity has become in your life, the lies and misdirection you never saw, the promises of a brighter tomorrow built-on the backs of taxpayers and savers, the guarantees of a stable future for your children from zero-rate-loans to 'banks', 'insurance companies' and 'mortgage servicers', a 'debt ceiling' that has placed $52,409 dollars in debt on the future earnings of every man, woman and child in America ... I cannot tell you more clearly how important it is to 'take the correct approach' ... and for that reason I cannot stress strong enough that you need to jump from a bridge rather than from a building. Based upon extensive professional and tested research it is much more likely that you'll land on somebody causing serious damage to that unrelated party by jumping from an office building window or roof top versus a “bridge”. In the late 1920’s and early 1930's people that jumped to their death from a bridge were at least 10 times less likely to hit another human being beneath-it compared with those jumping out office building windows and from roof tops; which typically landed upon somebody that actually worked for a living. To be safe, most experts also strongly recommend a bridge constructed over a waterway, such as an ocean inlet or fast moving river, or a deep rock covered valley. For those of you trying to avoid the "Suicide Clause" in their insurance policy, don’t wear a helmet -- most insurance companies realize that wearing a helmet is not a good defense against calling your suicide an accident … simply jump without one, most doctors globally have confirmed the pain is very short term if at all even felt, in fact about half of the people will die of a heart attack before landing.
I should point out that it is also advised not to jump as a family. Go individually, it reduces the risk of one surviving which would face difficult questions from the police and insurance investigators after going through a long and painful recovery that at best would still leave them substantially impaired.
I would like to conclude with just two more points for those of you committed to landing on concrete and have second thoughts about the height being insufficient. You could throw one of your children out first, if no children then use a medium size dog but check with the building Doorman first to make sure animals are permitted in the building or just act like you’re blind. I would also recommend you place a ‘marker’ on the pavement and suggest an over-sized photo of Jim Cramer. After all, seeing him as the last picture in your life seems appropriate and certainly justified. Some of you may wish to download on your iPod the last CNBC Fast Money Show … although you’ll be traveling at a rather high rate of speed I’m sure you’ll hear Better-Than-Expected at least once before impact. And, secondly, if you re technically inclined … you could attached a small wireless camera with video-feed-link to your iPhone, set the iPhone auto-transmit-to-link upon receipt of download. That way the entire event could be taped and immediately sent directly to your Facebook page. I’m sure if you take a few moments to correctly align the camera the full effect of impact will be remarkable and a big hit on the web, going viral in a few hours! Don’t forget to set the auto-focus and remember, don’t wear a helmet!
Have a great day.