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  • stimulatemypackage stimulatemypackage Nov 27, 2009 5:28 PM Flag

    New treasury issue to scratch itch of inflation

    Washington, November 27, 2009. (AP)

    A Fed official, speaking under conditions of secrecy, revealed the Treasury department's consideration of a new type of variable treasury issue that would automatically adjust for inflation as well as keep Congressman Ron Paul's mouth shut.

    The new bonds, issued in 5, 10 and 20 year maturities would, instead of a coupon paying in depreciating dollars, would instead pay in troy ounces of gold. The discounted price of a bond would be based upon the current price of gold and present value of the expected price of gold 5, 10, or 20 years out.

    An additional benefit of these Gold Bonds is that they will provide itch relief and extra cooling as well as soothing and protection of the skin. "Bondholders want protection, and we believe this could be the answer - not just perceived federal guarantees, but something that can make you feel good right down to your shorts."

    The Gold Bond rollout will be coordinated by the group who originated the concept, the Federal Reserve bank of Boston, which will make it even more memorable for buyers with their quaint but annoying accents. Bond holders will also have the option upon maturity to receive their payment in kind in guns, ammunition, or vacuum sealed food and MREs.

    "This thing is serious, you think about the literally millions of dollars that have been thrown away on useless dollar payments."

    Initial Congressional reaction was enthusiastic, since gold and lead are approximately the same density and gilded lead bars to pay the stupidest bondholders could be a real budget balancing tool.

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