I am very sorry to read about what you and your husband have been going through.
I just want to second Tex's suggestion. Cabozantinib (Cometriq) is creating a lot of excitement right now. I assume that you have been following Chris & Dena's Battle's blog "The Kidney Cancer Chronicles", right? Their latest entry gives a lot of excellent insight into the drug and, of course, the success Chris that is having with it.
I am also aware of at least one other mRCC patient who recently started on it and, even though it has only been a 2 weeks, seems to be responding quite well (and with no side effects yet).
Also, if there are any bone mets this would definitely be a drug to pursue.
Finally I am sure you know that most pain medications, especially Oxycodin, will lead to severe constipation. You have to take something like Miralax or the equivalent to deal with that. It may also depend on the time of day when taken for best effectiveness.
I am sorry I can be of more help. But do press your demand for Cabo. It will be worth it.