Pretending? PRETENDING? Sounds like YOU are the PARASITE pretending. Pretending that your incestuous relationship with that "sweetheart" cousin isn't common knowledge, perhaps?
Why don't just stick to cornholing your illegitimate daddy, ryder, while you jump from message board to message board, without any position in the associated security, while you stalk Haberman...your nemesis. Such a life for a californicated pipefitter apprentice.