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  • remodawgstories remodawgstories Mar 16, 2009 12:58 PM Flag


    We will not be bothering to fight one-starring activities of the mad cyber bully Lizard of the Internet further today beyond this post.

    Put your browsers on 1-star to see and enjoy today's Remo Dawg episodes.


    To expedite reaching the thrilling and shocking close of "Remo Dawg Saves The Planet.....From Dirty Green Hands", we will for now skip over the chapters where Remo Dawg and Candy check on the Jersey plant, meet with Cape organic cranberry growers and such. Instead, we will jump to FRIDAY and the crecendo of exciting events related to the strangest golf game ever played.

    Without further ado:

    PART 3 -- FRIDAY

    Remo and Candy were just to about to get out of the Charlestown tunnel back into the a particularly beautiful even un-seasonally lovely early Spring day. Aside from the occasional gust of March wind, the day was perfect for golf.

    Candy had the address of Holiday’s Inn in her hand and had just wondered aloud why Hogg hadn’t checked into a Holiday Inn in a more convenient better neighborhood. Then she’d asked Remo if he needed some help with the address or directions.

    “No thanks, Candy, I know it well. Stayed there more times than I care to remember. Oh, it’s Holiday’s not Holiday, the chain. It’s a semi-dump with hot and cold running whores in every room.”, answered Remo

    “Ewww. And you used to stay there, super stud?” , questioned Candy with a snicker.

    “It was when I was still with The Bureau. Several times we had to put state’s witnesses on ice before and during their testimony. Having in-house personal services was an advantage. It’s kept the snitches we were baby-sitting from going out on the street and getting their heads blown away….I’m pretty sure The Bureau doesn’t use it any more.”

    “Why is that G-man?”, inquired Candy. Remo’s former G-man tidbits were rare and always interesting.”

    “Maxy Grossman. Maxy had a date with a great looking whore who said here name was Passion. At least the guys that were baby sitting Maxy thought she looked hot. Trouble was they were looking at her big teats and pretty ass when they should have been doing a better job of patting her down. She put three slugs into Maxy and took out one of the Feds watching him to boot. Her real name was Contessa, the doll. That’s about as far as that investigation ever went. She just disappeared.”

    “The mob has button ladies?”, asked Candy incredulous.

    “Button women, darlin, is a better term given their trade. And yes, there have been some notorious ones. Very lethal and clever for women, ya know.”

    Hey wise guy!, protested Candy.

    “Hey yourself, Candy. I’m no wise guy I was one of the G-men on the side of truth, justice, and all that stuff….. This is it.”

    “Yuck, thought you said semi-dump, Reem. This place is a full five star dump. Let’s hope Hogg is watching for us. I really don’t want to go in to fetch him.”, reacted Candy when she saw the rundown three-story story motor inn with cardboard in a good number of its windows and some weed filled grass out front that looked as if it hadn’t been mowed in years.

    Remo parked across from the entrance and gave his Mustang’s horn a couple quick toots hoping Hogg was waiting in the lobby. Within a few moments they were relieved to see the little man emerge with a set of golf clubs over his shoulder.


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    • I'm a pretty bird.

      read more of skidady the parrot in the next remo dawg episode.


    • DaveyW43. Look for email in five. Squawk

    • “Oh good, Here he comes, Reem.”, said Candy in relief. “Do you see what I see on his shoulder?”

      “Christ, it looks like a parrot.”, exclaimed Remo

      Candy who’d been riding shotgun got out and opened the trunk for Hogg’s clubs. Then she opened the back door for Hogg and the bird.

      “I’ll ride shot gun if you don’t mind, Miss Cain. A man needs room for his legs.”, stated Hogg most ungalantly.

      Candy looked down at the little man silently then complied. He sort of was the client.

      “Hey, Hogg.”, said Remo cheerfully in greeting. You always take the parrot golfing with you or what?”

      “He’s my good luck charm, Dawg. Beside there was no one at home to take care of him while I was away.”, returned Hogg.

      Remo noted that Hogg’s shoulder was already soiled but was more taken aback by Hogg’s lime green golf slacks and his loud Hawaiian style floral shirt. He commented on neither.

      ‘Hope you brought some cash with you like me.”, said Remo patting his shirt pocket as he put the car into drive and started toward the exit. ‘Let me know if you need to stop at a cash machine.”

      “Sorry, local cash machines won’t do me any good. My bank is located overseas and doesn’t subscribe. You’ll take a check if the need arises won’t you, Dawg?”

      ‘Whatever. But the original bet was cash……. show your checkbook to Candice. You did bring your checkbook I hope, Hogg”, returned Remo with skeptical venom.

      “Of course, Dawg.”, replied Hogg handing his checkbook to Candy. What kind of deadbeat do you think I am?”

      Remo had a good idea but kept quiet and drove.

      “Looks legit, boss. However, I thought Fifth Third Bancorp was an Ohio bank. Cincinatti right?

      “Um, well Ohio is across the river from….”, responded Hogg lamely without finishing his sentence.

      “Across the river from exactly where, Hogg?”, asked Remo controlling his laughter at Hogg’s blunder.

      “Louisville, actually Dawg. Many is the time I jogged across the bridge as a young lad to build up my body. I still have family there.”


      • 1 Reply to remodawgstories
      • Remo ignored the lie and inquired as to Hogg’s bird’s name.

        Hogg smiled for the first time. “This is Skidady. Skidady is a smart bird aren’t you, skidady?”

        As if on cue, the bird replied, “Squawk, five stars. Squawk, five stars, professor.”

        Candy tried to control a laugh but failed miserably. Fortunately Hogg was too embarrassed to notice. Finally she asked brightly.

        “Does the bird know anything else, Mr. Hogg?”

        Hogg just grimaced. The bird added nothing…. for a while. All was silence in the car till after Remo got on I-95 headed south for Norton. Then the bird again proved he was a smart bird.

        “Squawk, Eat shit, Ryder. Squawk.”

        Skidady offered a couple more lauditory comments about Hogg before singing another tune. “Squawk. Go git me some ciggys, Michael Adrianne. Squawk.

        More to control his desire to laugh out loud than save Hogg from further embarrassment, Remo tried to make some small talk.

        “Take those are your clubs, Hogg. Get some practice in since you’ve been here in Boston?

        “Just a couple buckets at the driving range down the road from my hotel, Dawg.”, replied Hogg.

        Remo knew the neighborhood well. He clearly recalled the crummy driving range on a former landfill about a mile maybe more down the road from Hogg’s “hotel“.

        “Great. Wouldn’t want ya to be unprepared, Hogg. Clever to pick a hotel only a few minutes drive from a range.”, he mocked with seeming sincerity.

        “Actually, I didn’t bother with a car for this trip, Dawg. I walked. Most Americans take staying in shape for granted but not me. I walk nearly everywhere taking public transportation only when I must. It’s all about the environment, Dawg. As I was telling you the last time we met, it’s the responsibility of each of us to do our bit to save the planet. Too many cars driven by lazy Americans are ruining the environment. You do understand don’t you?”

        Remo filed Hogg’s speech away and tried another tact.

        “One of my other investigators, an old retired Bostonian realtor will be filling out our foursome, Hogg. Our Friday afternoon game is a regular thing with the three of us when the weather permits. Consider him like Candice. Anything Billy hears won’t go beyond Miss Cain and me.”, announced Remo.

        “No problem, Dawg.”

        Candy leaned forward ignoring the overwhelming scent of Hogg’s cheap cologne and spoke quietly into Hogg’s ear.

        Billy is rich as hell, a compulsive gambler, and a duffer. He’s the next best thing to me getting a raise out of Remo. Follow my cue, if you want to take home some extra cash. Okay?”

        Hogg didn’t reply but Candy knew he was thinking.

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