Be patient my young Left Coastian, news has yet to spread concerning Lewis'Luxurious Lox Lotion. Rumour has it the new product(ZIO-L3) has exceeded all expectations in Phase III testing and has shown ancillary effects of improved energy levels and enhanced libido. A Bagley lookalike was rumoured to have been seen at a local Boston nightclub sporting a 1960's era Beatles mop cut. Reliable sources say the subject spent the night breakdancing to 1980's Beastie Boy tunes with several nubile BU co-eds and then hit the Gym at dawn to swim a few hundred laps.
As a young man of science, surely you can see the potential here. As a middle-aged man, I have put my pre-order in!