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Abbott Laboratories Message Board

  • LadySpirit48 LadySpirit48 Feb 13, 2004 3:06 AM Flag

    Joke de' Jour

    Hope you all enjoy... no offense to anyone on the board that is Polish !!!!


    Marital Difficulties

    A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him-"very quick".

    The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

    LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

    MAN: "Ja, Ja, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms."

    LAWYER "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

    MAN: "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded.

    LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

    MAN: "No," he replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

    LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"

    MAN: "All my relations are in Poland."

    LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

    MAN: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

    LAWYER: "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"

    MAN: "No, I'm always up before her."

    LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"

    MAN: "No, she white."

    LAWYER: "Why do you want this divorce?"

    MAN: "She going to kill me."

    LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"

    MAN: "I got proof."

    LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"

    MAN: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read - it says, "Polish Remover."

    SortNewest  |  Oldest  |  Most Replied Expand all replies
    • <Don't you think Web should bring back a large Gueyduck for his wife to remind her of how it was before Viagra?>

      Not if he wants yet another 25 good years! ;-)

    • HOSPIRA-Abbott will spin-off hospital products into new company in April 2004 probably 10 to 1.Feeling is pure pharma will get higher PE and Hospira looks like a winner. So I believe buyers will sense the benefits run ABT up before spin-off.BTW-Don't you think Web should bring back a large Gueyduck for his wife to remind her of how it was before Viagra?

    • <BTW-ABT solid bottom at $44 but tops at $50 before spinoff.>

      Please excuse my ignorance, but what/when spinoff? Thanks

    • Any projected timeline for this $44 to $50 play?

      Actually looking to move in two years when my son graduates from H.S. Looking at the Snohomish or Lake Stevens areas for five acres to build on....close enough to drive in for events, far out enough to be away from overdevelopment.

      Billy's been a busy boy in Medina setting up his little Duchy--buying neighboring properties for greater isolation and access to staff (I think the nanny's in a 3,000 sq ft home!)

      RedHook is out of Fremont now and fully moved into their digs in Redmond next to Columbia and Chateau Ste. Michelle wineries...stop off there for a quaff when bicycling the Burke-Gilman trail.

      All the best

    • Berk-Bet you'd still never move. Grandmother lived in Ballard,said a Norwegian Gourmet Meal was Lute Fish & 6-pack Ballard Bitters.Have friend retired Boeing VP lives next to Gates in Medina but he bot 40 years ago and has launch in back yard,handy to cruise to Anthony's for Sunday Brunch.Still miss Pike's Place Market for Flying Fish. BTW-ABT solid bottom at $44 but tops at $50 before spinoff.

    • Amen, Brother...It's all good when you go home smellin' like fish. ;-}

    • Yup, I'll be there...

      I say if a man's gotta go half way around the world for a piece of tail, so be it...

      A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do...

      It's all about the pu$$, Berk... ;-)


    • No offense intended to Eisner, but....

      Mickey and Minnie were in divorce court and it was sheer pandimonium. The judge called Mickey to the bench for clarification and asked, "Am I correct in my understanding that you wish to leave Minnie because she's crazy?" To which Mickey replied, "No judge, I said Minnie was f***ing Goofy!"

      Sorry; I couldn't resist....slow day all over.

      All the best

    • (before the market opens).......

      A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing
      with his new electric train in the living room.

      She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches
      who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop!

      And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your
      asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

      The horrified mother went in and told her son,"We don't use that
      kind of language in this house!! Now I want you to go to
      your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS.

      When you come out, you may play with your train,
      but I want you to use nice language."

      Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing
      with his train.

      Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers
      who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your
      belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your
      trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."

      She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask
      you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is
      no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing
      journey with us today."

      As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are
      pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

    • Lady Spirit-That was best post of the week! BTW-Decided this board has too many non-shareholders spousing dribble with no good jokes like yours.In Spring we are going to a Shareholder Only Board on Hospira which will require a special pin number to enter.I'll be off to Nevis for a week. Check Six

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