A fly on the wall at JSDA headquarters reported some internal goings on. As reported by the fly, a staff meeting was called that required all salesmen to be in attendance. That meant numerous subcompact cars had to be rented so they could drive in. The meeting's headline went like this: "WE NEED $20MM IN SALES TO BREAK-EVEN - HOW WE GONNA GET THERE". Paultheoctopus, a recent new hire in the sales department, was the first to speak. "You expect me to sell a lot of this stuff?". Baldingcontrarian fessed up to a major setback when he told of losing one of their best customers TJ's Wholesale Gas off Route 29. The guy at TJ's said "All people seem to want is coke and pepsi; I don't know who makes that stuff but it sure is good". After a brief silence, the director of regional sales proclaimed "Jones is bigger than this pepsi stuff will ever be and we better get to selling it". An unnamed salesman offered up an idea for a new soda flavor "how about we make a booger flavored soda, it might appeal to youngsters". That notion got shot down pretty quickly by the director of flavors as being way too complicated and costly.
In other corporate developments, the director of human resources commenced a new office wide practice designed to bring people together. Every day at 10 am the entire office staff comes together and forms a circle of embraced hands and sings the new corporate fight song aptly named "Jonesing". Reportedly the simple song embraced by all, especially those invested in the company's stock in their 401ks, goes like this; "I'm Jonesing - you're Jonesing - everybody lets get Jonesing"....and repeats over and over. The deeply felt lyrics rumbled through the halls and out the windows and it turns out that the CFO is a rather gifted singer that laced in some pretty mean rap beats using his hands cupped over his mouth. It sounds like things are really humming over at JSDA, that's all for now.
The names may make people hesitate on purchase?mango flavor in whole foods hopefullly is called mango on label somewhere. if jones still uses glass,switch to plastic on low calorie line,and at a dollar or less retail price per item like glaceau zero water.warehouse clubs like costco and bj's wholesale could sell 20 million at proper price point..
in the second part of the meeting minutes they addressed quality control and why JSDA soda has floaties.. the director of QC revealed video footage of 2 bottle dusters going by the names of baldingcontrarian and flourface...that showed over a 24 month period they were releasing them selves in to the vats of concentrate before being shipped to fizz.......
and the source of why longs have been subconciously craving the man juice flavored soda and having homosexual fantasies..
TICK , TOCK