You may ask, why we are going to war with Iraq? Simply put, I believe the war will solve our impending energy crisis, crumbling economy, spiriling unemployment, unethical business practices, and souring health costs.
First, I'll solve the unemployment problem by reconstituting the draft. This will mean more jobs, a boost in the economy, and less unemployment due to the projected deaths on the field of battle by are brave soldiers.
Second, to solve the business ethics crisis I will draft and put corporate CEOs, COOs, CFOs, etc in the front lines, thus ensuring their earliest demise.
Third, I will solve the energy crisis by nationalizing Iraq's oil fields when we capture them. After all, we showed them where the oil was in the first place and how to extract it.
Fourth, I will solve the health crisis by drafting all the baby boomers into our chemical arms disposal service, without gas masks.
My fellow Americans, I have run this plan by my father, GHB. He says it should work, and he ought to know. I ask for your support in our hour of need. Remember, we don't need no stinkin' UN to tell us when and where to go to war!
Thank you,good night, and God bless the United States of America.