MARIJUANA SCANDAL ROCKS ANTIGO AREA
'Hello, is dis the Antigo Sheriff's Office?'
'Yes. What can I do for you?'
'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Ole Johnson... he's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside dem logs, but he's hidin' it dere.'
'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'
The next day, twelve of Antigo’s finest Sheriff's Deputies descend on Ole's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Ole and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Ole's house.
'Hey, Ole! Dis here's Sven....Did the Sheriff come?'
' Yah !'
'Did they chop your firewood?'
' Yah !'
'Happy Birthday, buddy!'
And this ...
YOUR DUCK IS DEAD!
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary clinic.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, he shook his head and said, "I'm very sorry, madam, but your duck has passed away."
The distressed woman cried out, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure," the vet said confidently. "He's dead."
"But how can you be so sure?" she protested. "You haven't done any testing. Maybe he's just in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.
Moments later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot, then sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet followed the cat out and returned with a huge black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examining table and sniffed the duck from head to foot. The dog then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, lady, but your duck is 100% certifiably dead," then turned to his computer, punched in a few keys and produced a bill for $150, which he handed to the woman.
Still in shock, the lady looked at the bill and complained loudly, "You're charging me $150 just to tell me my duck is dead?"
The vet shrugged and said, "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it in the first place, the bill would only have been $20, but with the additional Cat scan and Lab report, it's now $150."
Toivo jumped in his truck and headed down US41 to do some spring fishing in Marquette. Soon after he left his wife Impi called and said "Toivo please be careful I just heard on the news there's a crazy guy going the wrong way down the highway.". "One guy?". Toivo says, "there's hundreds of them!"
Here's a quick story, pre-mobile phone days. Some friends and I were on a charter boat fishing for mackeral off the Carolina coast. Several charter boats were out looking for schools and we noticed our captain was continually talking on the two way radio with other boats and we commented on such. The captain said they had constant chatter, some about schools of fish but mostly BS. He said one day he called back to shore to ask his wife if she'd seen his wallet. Another captain quickly piped in and said that he and the wife looked all over the house and had no luck finding the wallet.
Ole and Lena were sittin home one night and the phone rang...so Ole got up and answered it.....He said...HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW...ITS OVER 2000 MILES AWAY...and slammed down the phone....Lena said...who was that....Ole replied...JUST SOME JACKASS WANTIN TA KNOW IF THE COAST WAS CLEAR !!!!!
Here's one that'll hopefully put a bigger smile on your face - to add to the one already there because of Rubicon's SP today ;-) -
The Taco Bell dog, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when they spot a beautiful female Collie who comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say 'liver' and 'cheese' intelligently in the same sentence can go out on a date with me."
So the Doberman, looking rather smug, says, "I love liver and cheese."
The Collie replies "thats not good enough."
The Bulldog, slobering all over himself, nervously says, "I hate liver and cheese".
The Collie rolls her eyes and replies, "Thats not creative enough".
Strutting between the 2 other dogs and the Collie, the Taco Bell dog says ...
(with his recognizable Mexican accent) ...
"Liver alone ...cheese mine."
Everybody have a fabulous weekend! Here's hoping we get good news next week.