Since the Taliban and many Al Quaida cannot stand nudity and consider it
a sin to see a naked woman that is not their wife, this Saturday afternoon
at 2:00 pm. eastern time, all North American women are asked to walk out of
their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti terrorist
All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they think it's okay to see other women nude. And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.
The United States of America appreciates your efforts to root out
terrorists and applauds your participation. God Bless America!
Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary:
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only
to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm,
and the people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMs: Single income, Two children, Oppressive mortgage. What yuppies turn
into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the
magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you
find yourself unable to stop watching them.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the
electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISHPERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the
rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not
Found," meaning that the requested document could not be found.
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no
matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've
just mad a BIG mistake.
WOOFYs: Well Off Older Folks
One elderly lady says to another: "Gladys, that nice Mr. Johnson asked me for a date and I am wondering if I should go out with him."
"Well, Hilda, I went out with him. He picked me up at 7, just as he said he would, in a beautiful limousine, chauffered driver and all. We went to a lovely restaurant overlooking the ocean, where we had a scrumptious dinner of lobster. Oh, an evening to die for, and such a high class gentleman, I thought!! But then, as he saw me to my door, he quickly stepped inside and turned into an ANIMAL!!! He ripped off my expensive dress and had his way with me--twice!"
"So, Gladys, you're saying I shouldn't go out with him?"
"No Hilda, just wear an old dress."
God bless America.
Measures of success:
At the age of 3, not peeing in our pants.
At the age of 16, having a drivers license.
At the age of 20, having sex.
At the age of 30, making money.
At the age of 50, making money.
At the age of 60, having sex.
At the age of 70, having a drivers license.
At the age of 80, not peeing in our pants.