BOARD LONGS ARE CONTROLLED BY ALIENS. NASA AND CIA ARE MONITORING.
Ohhhh, ahhh, Professor Infinitwit has something to say! Yes, it's the hedge funds fault. That's what it is. Yes. Those danged manipulating alien-controlled hedge funds are the problem! They are being used by their alien overlords to take control of PWE so they can control the land to use as their landing bases!
Professor Infinitwit calls on all true and loyal PWE investors to grab your guns and tin foil hats and meet him at the Duverneay complex at midnight! Quickly now, make haste!