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  • yank_myhogoff yank_myhogoff Apr 13, 2007 12:18 AM Flag

    Don Imus Joins WAG Board


    Jeffrey Rein, newly appointed King of Walgreens, announced today that celebrity Don Imus would join the company's Board of Directors and would head Walgreens diversity initiative.

    Said Rein, "Don Imus brings to Walgreens extensive experience with drugs, plus a commitment to diversity... by ethnic and gender cleansing. Walgreens has long been committed to hiring the best caucasian males for the job... no matter how small... and Don Imus will add focus to the domination that WASP males have proudly achieved within the ranks of WAG's distinguished senior management team, over several decades."

    In a seperate announcement, Rein stated that Walgreens would close its store closest in proximity to Rutgers University, stating that "Nappy headed ho's" don't buy enough chocolate Easter bunnies (and other Walgreens staples) to justify a 24/hour drive-through and the cost to maintain a $200K/yr pharmajunkie. Rein stated: "It takes a lot of scripts to pay for the 86,000 pills that a WAG pharmacist steals... not to mention the legal costs of paying off the families of the Walgreens customers that DIE from mis-filled prescriptions by those junkie Walgreens pharmacists."

    Rein further affirmed that WAG intends to continue its store expansion program, despite empirical evidence that proves its business plan nets only lower share prices for investors, and an easier playing field for its primary competitors such as RAD and CVS.

    Rein angrily stated: "There is NO reason for Walgreens to purchase any care provider such as CMX. That is not our business! Let the losers leave CVS to absorb the debt to buy such garbage."

    Walgreens shares closed lower on the news.

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