With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 70-year- old woman was able to give birth to a baby. � When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. � � May we see the new baby?" one asked. � Not yet," said the mother.��"I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first." � Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?" � "No, not yet," said the mother.��After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?" � "No, not yet," replied the mother. � Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?" � "WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them. � "WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded.��"Why do we have to wait until he cries?" � "BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM.��OKAY?????"
I have followed your "joke to brighten your day" posts for several years and just want to thank you for providing me with a 6 page list of the best "cut and clip" jokes I have e-mailed my friends. Also, your "elf yourself" this year was priceless. To the "rectal sphincters" who have lambasted your posts I say....put your thumbs up your anuses and blow it out your asses! Get a sense of humor you idiots!
America The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" in a casual manner, think about whether you want the "politicians" spending YOUR tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases
A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans .
It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.
Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans.
Interesting number, what does it mean?
A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.
B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.
Washington , D.C. HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!! Accounts Receivable Tax Building Permit Tax CDL License Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Dog License Tax Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel Perm it Tax Gasoline Tax Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax Inventory Tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax) IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax Luxury Tax Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Property Tax Real Estate Tax Service Charge Taxes, Social Security Tax Road Usage Tax (Truckers) Sales Taxes Recreational Vehicle Tax School Tax State Income Tax State Unemployment Tax (SUTA) Telephone Federal Excise Tax Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax Telephone Minimum Usage S! urcharge Tax Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax Telephone State and Local Tax Telephone Usage Charge Tax Utility Tax Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax, Workers Compensation Tax STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago.
100 years ago, our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What happened? Can you spell �politicians?'
And Why Do I Still Have to "press 1" for English?
I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times.