President Obama, hounded by calls from members of both parties to explain how the recent deluge of maniacal spending would be paid for, today announced his funding plan. The new National Utopian Tax for Subsequent American Children (NUTSAC) will be assigned to each newborn American starting retroactively to January 20, 2009, the date of Obama's inauguration.
"By focusing on the earning potential of future generations, we can simply give them the NUTSAC, easily funding our hopes and dreams for today," said Obama. Many have criticized the plan though, saying that while on the surface appearing fairly applied, not everyone gets Obama's NUTSAC. Once the 2,384-page proposal is actually read, it becomes clear that the tax does not apply to the 40% of Americans who pay no income tax, the 59% of middle-class America who pays 60% of the total tax bill, illegal aliens, people of any non-caucasian race, women, homosexuals and lesbians, or union members. Obama's NUTSAC apparently will only apply to the top 1% of white, male wage earners that pay 40% of America's tax burden.
Obama adds, "I decree that my NUTSAC be activated, and heeded by all Americans to the following ends:
--To establish a more perfect union, where all citizens are equally moderate --To change the national motto 'E Pluribus Unum', from 'Out of Many, One' to 'Out of The One, to Many' --To change the Bill of Rights from rabid focus on the rights given to each individual, to the rights of the government".
Administration officials, and Congressional leadership are excited about Obama's NUTSAC, saying that while it might be a little hairy getting it passed, it will be the crowning, Democrat family jewel in the overall effort to rid us of the old America. "He has been right all along," said Speaker Pelosi. "He is the Change we have been waiting for".