Scully (great character name for a novel), I thought since you lost your virginity on that little outing of ours in Oakland, there would be a major change in attitude. I did save her number for you. I really don't know what to do with you now. I do have a large jar of purple hair fuzzy out in the garage. It hails from Humboldt County, so quality is assured. I have no use for the herb, as I generally need to go downtown, not uptown, and that substance won't do the trick. I'll mail it to you expedited FEDEX. One or two strong puffs should do the job. Don't smoke in your basement apartment, as your parents will immediately detect a skunk like odor throughout the house.
I'm praying for you Sully. There's hope for us all. Happy Thanksgiving.