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  • newtoboard2002 newtoboard2002 Dec 10, 2002 1:54 PM Flag

    Just who is Santa?

    It seems clear that Santa is given credit for deeds that are beyond the capabilites of mortal men. On Christmas eve he supposedly visits every home in the world, dispensing a seemingly endless supply of gifts and consuming staggering amounts of cookies and milk. Moreover, he's been sighted soaring through the skies in an aerodynamically unsound sleigh, outfitted with flying reindeer. His toys are produced in a hidden sweatshop located in the environs of the North Pole and, if the prevailing accounts are to be believed, are manufactured by diminutive men with genetically mutated ears. Finally, he is rumored to mastermind the world's largest espionage network, maintaining a database of not only the names and addresses of every man, woman and child on the planet but further dividing the world's population into those who have been "bad" and "good" during the prior twelve months. The criteria involved in distinguising the "bad" from the "good" are known only to "Santa," and all decisions are final.

    Any ideas out there just who he is?


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    • Phys.....

      Good idea. BTW its Margarita's isn't it?


      You think the tickets to the Peach Bowel(it is now right?)is a mess. My son's Alma Mater Ia State is going to the Humaritarian Bowl in Boise, ID. Now how many Cyclone fans are really anxious to go there? Can't even stay warm.


    • Lib and Ortho
      How about the T-shirt which read WWJD.


    • A guy was flying from Washington National to Los Angeles... He was nervous... He stopped in the Airport Bar for a couple of shots and saw George W and Colin Powell sitting by the window having a drink...

      He asked the bartender "Hey man, is that who I think it is...?"

      The Bartender nodded and said, "Yeah, they been there for about an hour while Airforce One is being fueled...

      The guy strolled over and said, "Dubya, what in the hell are you doing in here, I can't believe I am actually talking to you..."

      Dubya said, "Wellsir, me and Colin are planning World War III..."

      "World War III...?" Says the guy...

      "Yeah", says Dubya, "We're gonna drop a big one, wipe out about 10 Million Iraqis, and a blonde with really big breasts..."

      The guy says, "Dubya, why in the hell would you kill a blonde with really big breasts...?"

      Dubya hit Colin on the shoulder and said "See Colin, I told you they would'nt care about the Iraqis..."


    • As it is difficult to imagine one man doing all the work for which Santa is given credit, the likelihood of an army of jolly, rotund Santa Clones becomes easier and easier to envision. A collection of regional Santas can far more easily manage the production and delivery assigments, as well as provide a more hands-on approach to their respective constituencies. After the holiday, the Santa Clones relocate to their North Pole sanctuary where they are put "on ice" until next year's Christmas season. One advantage of this theory is that it also neatly explains the proliferation of Santas in shopping malls and street corners throughout the month of December.

      I don't know for sure, thinking about some other theories still.


      • 2 Replies to newtoboard2002
      • Newby,

        I used to call the UPS guys, "the brown santa".

        Had this black UPS guy deliver me some cool stuff in K-town, said out loud, " Here comes the brown Santa!" Didn't think about him being brown til he started laughing.

        Loving those brown Santas.....

      • I've been thinking some more about this one. But I'm still not sure about this.

        With Area 51 and alien autopsies in the news of late, it seems that one cannot safely rule out the possibility that Santa is an extraterrestrial. Certainly alien spacecraft would be able to perform the necessary travel associated with Santa's yearly rounds. And advanced replicator technology could handle the production demands of large-scale toymaking. His elves, it follows, would be colorfully garbed aliens and his North Pole workshop merely an out of the way landing pad for his UFO. The familiar reindeer and sleigh associated with Pere Noel might simply be a futuristic cloaking device designed to confuse and obscure Santa's extraterrestrial origins. It is comforting to consider the possibility that unknown alien friends are making our world a little nicer through these concealed acts of altruism, perhaps in accordance with some non-interference directive. Of course, this theory doesn't explain the numerous tales of alien abductions and obtrusive on-craft experiments. One view is that the infamous alien "probe" is simply a thermometer for detecting who's been naughty and who's been nice.


    • JUST WHO IS SANTA? That is easy. We are - just read.
      Our Senators and Congressmen do notpay into Social Secuirty and, of course, they do not collect from it. Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society.
      They felt they should have a special plan for themselves. Many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan. In more recent years, no congressperson has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan.
      For all practical purposes their plan works like this: When they retire, they continue to draw th same pay until they die, except that it may increase from time to tome for cost of living.
      For example, former Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7,800,000, with their wives drawing $275,000 during the last years of their lives. This calculated on an average life span for each.
      Their cost for this excellent plan is $00.00. Zilch, el zippo.
      This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds - our tax dollar at work.
      From our own SS Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into-every payday until we retire - we can expect to get an average of $1,000 per month after retiremnt.
      Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthy benefits for 68 years to equal Senator Bill Bradley's benefits.
      We are Santa Claus.

      • 2 Replies to physalia2000
      • Phys,

        You get mad at me when I blast the Dems, but it's the Dems that insist on enslaving us middle class bastards with the social security system as it now stands. Any attempts to reform it are met with howls and demagoguery and "the sky is falling." From an actuarial standpoint, the system is broken. Take your pick. Reduced benefits or higher........much higher taxes on our kids and grandkids, or reform the system. You don't have to worry about it, teachers have a great system, and that's because it's independent of social security. So you keep voting for Dems, but I want you to know that when you do it, you're screwing people like me who aren't teachers or Congressmen.


      • Physalia- You have fallen for a hoax, Congress has been under social security since 1983 and their retirement is based on years of service so relax the board is restless enough! Yes certain good deals exist for all Federal Government employees but 20 years is 50% base pay in military only it takes 30 years to get 56% for civilians.My retirement from both is $85,000/year & life is comfortable with outside investments added so I contribute $8-$10,000/year to selected charities.

    • Newby, Santa sounds like he may be a democrat. As always, Horny

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