Yesterday at a press conference attended by thousands, I announced a first rate inquiry into the doings of ACPW. This inquiry, unlike the trivial ones recently instigated by trivial people, will reach back to 1000 B.C. to determine if the company has been fleecing the global population for thousands of years. I seek no contributions for this effort and assure all concerned that only my love for this country and this planet pushes me forward. Peace, love, and justice to all (except to the #$%$).