with revenues and net income up 36% and 48%, respectively, from last year’s second quarter.
LOS ANGELES — It can scan zombies, replace a TV remote, open a window into virtual worlds and shoot ninja stars across a living room. It's the Wii U GamePad, the 10-by-5-inch touchscreen controller for the successor to the Wii out Sunday, and if you ask the brains behind the "Super Mario Bros." about it, they say it's going to change the way video games are made and played.
Sentiment: Strong Buy
Android smartphones, led by Samsung, amassed 68.1% market share in Q2, up from 46.9% a year earlier. Samsung accounted for 44% of Android smartphones shipped in the quarter.
"Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any
more. There's no more money to spend--you used
up all of that. You can't start another war
because you used up the army. And now, darn the
luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush
family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to
your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards
maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission
"Now it's time to do what you've always done
best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did
with your military service and the oil company
and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move
on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy
or space man? Now I know what you're saying:
there's so many other things that you as
President could involve yourself in. Please
don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to
do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating
the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space
program over to the church. And Social Security
to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.
"But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now.
Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives.
You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you
haven't given yourself a medal. You're a
catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert
Hoover was a
conceded an entire city to rising water and
"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our
allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade
centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of
New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm
not saying you don't love this country. I'm just
wondering how much worse it could be if you were
on the other side.
"So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is
saying is: 'Take a hint.' "
From: Jones, Michael D. BG [email@example.com]
Sent: Sunday, January 30, 2005 4:25 PM
Subject: Victory for Freedom
It isn't over yet, but today there was a resounding victory for freedom and democracy here in Baghdad. Having been here for a while now, many of us have grown weary of the hand-wringers, worriers, pessimists, whiners, and host of others who have been telling us for so long that all is lost in Iraq. Today we witnessed just how courageous the Iraqi people can be and how much they love their new-found freedom.
After listening to the pundits tell us how terrible the Iraqi Security Forces are, today I watched the Iraqi Security Forces stand tall. They protected 1,188 polling sites in Baghdad. Although there were a number of suicide bombers who attacked today, not a single one penetrated the perimeter of a polling site. There were several Iraqi policemen, and several Iraqi soldiers who lost their lives today. But they did not lose their honor or their courage; none of the 30,000 plus Iraqi Security Forces on duty in Baghdad ran away from danger today.
At the site of our first suicide bombing of the day, voters did not lose their courage either. They quickly lined back up at the same site, spitting on the body of the suicide bomber as they passed by in line to vote. A woman came out of line and took the shoe of the bomber and put it on his face - a great insult to an Arab. The same was true at any polling site that had violence. Voters immediately lined up again to cast their vote. How many Americans value their privilege to vote enough to show that kind of courage?
We have listened to many experts talk about how the Sunnis would not participate in the election. Polling sites in Abu Guyreb were moved to Gasaliya because the Iraqi Election Commission was concerned about security in Abu Guyrb. We watched thousands walk down the highway- Sunni Moslems- on the 7 mile round trip to the polling sites so they could vote. All under the threat that terrorists had been making that they would kill anyone who voted. How many Americans would do that?
All over Baghdad the story was the same and I could tell a dozen stories of great courage and determination. Despite the enemy's campaign of terror, despite danger, threats, intimidation, and the sporadic incidents of violence and terror today, Iraqis turned out in determined, large numbers to vote. The excitement was moving. Even though the terrorists have said they will kill anyone with a "marked finger" (when you voted your finger was dipped in ink to keep people from voting a second time), voters paraded down the street holding their fingers up in joy and overwhelming pride.
When I told one Iraqi I was sorry that people had died or been wounded today, he just said "freedom has a price, and this is the price that we must pay." And every Iraqi I talked to said thank you to the United States for this opportunity, for this freedom, and how grateful they were for our help.
I am sure it will only be hours until you start hearing all the "experts," most of which have never been to Iraq, start trying to convince us that today was flawed, failed, or somehow less than a wonderful day and a blow for freedom. They are the same people who say we are failing here, that you couldn't do an election on the 30th of January, and on and on. It is true we haven't "won" here yet. It is not predetermined that we will win, and it will take continued sacrifice and determination on our part. Those who hate freedom and democracy will still fight, many to the death, to try to stop this march to freedom and prosperity by the Iraqis with our help. They are terrified of the thought of a free and democratic Iraq that leads this whole region to a democratic future.
TRIAL OF SADDAM WILL START IN SEVERAL MONTHS. Best guess is sometime just before election day...
ECONOMY WILL SHOW STRONGEST SIGNS YET OF RECOVERY, SAYS FED. Highest consumer gains should appear sometime just before election day...
BIN LADEN IS ON THE RUN. His capture expected sometime just before election day...
OIL PRICES SHOW SHARP DECLINE. Or will, sometime just before election day...
JESUS APPEARS ON EARTH TO ENDORSE GEORGE W. BUSH. Second coming will occur sometime just before election day, Cheney Promises...
The Swift Boat Veterans For Truth added charges to those already leveled against Presidential candidate John Kerry today. Members of the group, who claimed they served with Kerry in Viet Nam say he often paraded around in blackface mocking black soldiers, and would routinely steal marijuana and cocaine from the footlockers of his crew. "That dude NEVER had his own stash." said Lt. Commander Grant Hibbard. In addition, they said Lt. Kerry carried on homosexual affairs with several officers and crew members. "In fact" said John E. O'Neill, one of the founders of the group, "I am one of them. I'm not gay, I swear, I'm not gay, honest, I'm not, but Kerry was in charge and I had to do what he said, even though I'm definitely not gay."
According to the group, Kerry, known in Viet Nam as Killer Kowalski for his penchant for shooting anyone he didn't like, shot and killed a sergeant for insubordination when the sergeant failed to hold a salute long enough, and kicked to death a private who had stated a preference for the Yankees over the Red Sox. "This guy was some piece of work" said veteran Van Odell. "He'd just as soon shoot you as look at you. If this loon were President, he'd be sending out troops to invade any country we didn't like."
Kerry's camp dismisses the charges as "No worse than a bad cold". Meanwhile, members of the Alabama and Texas National Guard who recalled serving with George W. Bush could not be found for comment.
During his speech at the Army War College, ("Masters Degrees in Killing Our Specialty, Financial Help to Qualified Students") the President brought the nation together when he spoke to them of his efforts in Iraq. Bush told the American people "The swift removal of Saddam Hussein�s regime last spring had an unintended affect. Instead of being killed or captured on the battlefield, some of Saddam�s elite guards shed their uniforms and melted into the civilian population. These elements of Saddam�s repressive regime and secret police have reorganized, rearmed and adopted sophisticated terrorist tactics. They�ve linked up with foreign fighters and terrorists." Upon hearing these words, America's fear evaporated, and the country healed to become as one nation.
Around the country days of celebration were held as people deserted their homes and headed for pleasure outlets such as parks, recreation areas, stadiums and peep shows. "We're no longer afraid" said Matty Werner, a peep show patron, as he came out of the "lezbo orgy" booth in a local adult video store. "We feel restored and refreshed. God bless our leader."
In Pierre, South Dakota, hardware clerk Cathy Pollok, 18, said "I feel safer now than at any time since 9/11. Especially when I heard Mr. Bush say that 'We don't want them to be American.' Because honestly, who would want those people to be American? They don't even look like Americans, they look really creepy."
In Detroit, Crips leader and amateur rapper Pitbull said, "Y'all/gots ta stan tall/let USA carry da ball/don' fall/don' crawl/don' wear a shawl/if you got a trojan horse better keep it in its stall/read it all/in the Bible by Paul/so I'll cap yo raggedy ass and take all yo money, beeatch."
"The fact that the President has spoken so eloquently to the nation has had its effect on economic indicators, which I see as rising steadily since his talks began," said Dr. Jason Caspari, a professor of shrewd business practices at Notre Dame. "This is a man you can invest in, and people therefore feel they can now invest in the country. I recommend Halliburton stock as a good way to put your money to work for America."
Rev. David Tompkins, speaking from his pulpit in Rochester, New York, told his congregation "Clearly God speaks to our President. Or perhaps I should say God speaks clearly to our President. Ha ha ha. Yes, one of the things the good Lord has endowed me with is a sense of humor. But to put that aside for a moment and speak seriously, if God speaks to someone and we do not listen to that person, are we not ignoring the voice of God? Can we be so arrogant as to turn our backs on the Lord when he speaks to us? I believe that the President, under guidance from God, is doing what he's told to do. Oh, God isn't telling him what to do. Cheney is telling him what to do. God is just saying "Go ahead, it's fine, you're a good boy."
The feelings of the great majority of Americans was summed up by Hilton Barnes, a Las Vegas taxi driver who spat his cigar stub out his window and said "you wanna go downtown from here in less than fifteen minutes at this time of day? You're
According to the Department of Labor, jobs increased by more than 300,000 in June, prompting elation in the Bush administration, In a related story, sources report that half of the 300,000 jobs were filled by illegal aliens, and most of the rest were participants in the Halliburton "Employee For A Day" program.
NEW POLLS: A recent Zogby poll shows 50% of Americans approve of George W. Bush's policies, and 50% disapprove. However, in a Time-Warner poll the numbers were reversed.
The son of former Republican President Ronald Reagan has taken a remarkable step. In the upcoming issue of Esquire, in an essay titled �The Case Against George W. Bush,� Ron Reagan warns the public that the Republican president is hurting America through a needless war, giveaways to the rich, environmental ravages and other ills.
�The Bush administration can�t be trusted,� he writes. �Politicians will stretch the truth. ... But George W. Bush and his administration have taken �normal� mendacity to a startling new level far beyond lies of convenience. On top of the usual massaging of public perception, they traffic in big lies, indulge in any number of symptomatic small lies, and, ultimately, have come to embody dishonesty itself. They are a lie. And people, finally, have started catching on.�
All of the White House�s reasons for the Iraq war turned out to be false, Reagan notes. Worse, he says, the Bush team had planned the attack even before gaining office. The 9/11 terrorist attack merely provided an excuse, allowing the president to manipulate the patriotism that surged after the suicide horror.
�The Bush administration no doubt had its real reasons for invading and occupying Iraq,� Reagan says. �They�ve simply chosen not to share them with the American public.� Reagan doesn�t speculate about what Bush�s hidden reasons for the war may be. He says the White House �tenaciously clings to secrecy, not to protect the American people, but to protect itself.�