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EnergySolutions, Inc Message Board

whisperingpines1962 23 posts  |  Last Activity: Apr 2, 2014 12:41 AM Member since: Apr 14, 2013
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  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:41 AM Flag

    A woman asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.

    The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy one?"

    The woman says, "No, but do you mind if I stand here and wait to see if anyone buys one?"

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:40 AM Flag

    Q: Why did Florida orange growers offer O.J. Simpson $3 million?
    A: To change his name to Apple Juice.

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:36 AM Flag

    Bill Gates goes to purgatory.

    St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".

    First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds.

    Bill chooses Hell.

    About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons.

    Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?"

    St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:32 AM Flag

    I'm more confused than predictive text on a dyslexics phone.

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:30 AM Flag

    Italy:

    Where an oil change and a hair cut are the same thing.

  • Reply to

    CPE Target $8.50

    by bo21982 Mar 12, 2014 11:40 PM
    whisperingpines1962@ymail.com whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:27 AM Flag

    Italy:

    Where an oil change and a hair cut are the same thing.

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:25 AM Flag

    Yo momma is so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

  • Reply to

    OIL

    by whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:21 AM
    whisperingpines1962@ymail.com whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:22 AM Flag

    Why are so many Americans on the web? There's no oil on the internet.

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:21 AM Flag

    A Texas Oil Tycoon and an Alaskan Oil Tycoon were debating on which state had the most oil. The Alaskan Oil Tycoon said, "Listen, there is so much oil in Alaska that I could buy enough gold to build a wall of solid gold 100 feet tall and 100 feet wide all the way around the state of Texas". The Texas Oil Tycoon scratched his chin and adjusted his cowboy hat and said, "Well boy, I'll tell ya what....you just go ahead and build that wall, and if I like it.......I'll buy it".

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:09 AM Flag

    A kid asks his father for help on a writing assignment. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"

    His father looks up thoughtfully and says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you've learned."

    The kid is puzzled, but asks his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

    "Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."

    He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

    She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"

    The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on $2 million bucks, but in reality, we're living with two sluts."

  • Reply to

    anyone going very long the open;?

    by henry_jimbob Mar 30, 2014 9:24 PM
    whisperingpines1962@ymail.com whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:05 AM Flag

    A guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his p.nis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that.
    "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and a hundred dollars seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 2, 2014 12:00 AM Flag

    Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

    One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"

    Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

  • Reply to

    Calm before the storm….

    by hoosiers07052 Apr 1, 2014 12:07 PM
    whisperingpines1962@ymail.com whisperingpines1962 Apr 1, 2014 11:57 PM Flag

    Three ladies go to an exotic male strip club.

    One friend pulls out a $10 bill, licks it and sticks it on a stripper's left butt cheek.

    Not to be outdone, the second friend pulls out a $50 bill, licks it and sticks it to his right butt cheek.

    The third friend pulls out her ATM card, swipes it down his crack, grabs the $60 and goes home.

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 1, 2014 11:55 PM Flag

    Q: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 1, 2014 11:54 PM Flag

    Q: What does sex have in common with savings accounts?

    A: You lose interest once you make a withdraw.

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 1, 2014 11:43 PM Flag

    Two couples are playing cards. John accidentally drops some cards on the floor. When he bends down under the table to pick them up, he notices that Bill's wife isn't wearing any underwear.

    Later, John goes into the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife follows him and asks, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

    John admits that he did. She says, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."

    They decide that John should come to her house around 2 p.m. on Friday while Bill is at work.

    On Friday, John arrives at 2 p.m. He pays Bill's wife $100. They go to the bedroom, have sex and then John leaves.

    When Bill comes home at 6 p.m., he asks his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"

    Reluctantly, she replies, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."

    Next Bill asks, "Did he give you $100?"

    She thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes, he did give me $100."

    "Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 1, 2014 11:39 PM Flag

    Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday.

    Johnny's father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a $200 bike this year."

    Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he's leaving.

    Johnny says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 1, 2014 11:35 PM Flag

    A #$%$ mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway.

    He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.

    The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the #$%$ two $4 bills as change.

  • Reply to

    Buyout

    by whisperingpines1962 Apr 1, 2014 3:15 PM
    whisperingpines1962@ymail.com whisperingpines1962 Apr 1, 2014 11:31 PM Flag

    oe asked God, "How much is a penny worth in Heaven?"

    God replied, "$1 million."

    Joe asked, "How long is a minute in Heaven?"

    God said, "1 million years."

    Joe asked for a penny.

    God said, "Sure, in a minute.

  • whisperingpines1962@ymail.com by whisperingpines1962 Apr 1, 2014 3:15 PM Flag

    A company is working to buyout CPE for $30 a share.

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