5 crazy, scary things about China's big military parade

China is gearing up for an extravagant, Cold War-style military parade on Sept. 3, with 12,000 troops marching through Beijing. Hundreds of pieces of military equipment will be on view, many of them new weapons meant to counter U.S. naval power and intimidate neighbors such as Taiwan and Japan. “The parade is all about signaling China’s strength and invulnerability,” says Jane’s Defense Weekly. Here’s what is really going on:

1. China created a new national holiday to commemorate the end of World War II. The holiday is officially called—you might want to sit down for this—“The 70th Anniversary of Victories in the Chinese People’s War of Resistance Against Japanese Aggression and the World Against Fascism.” The anti-Japanese spin suggests the nation’s communist leaders hope to stir up some nationalistic pride, which is disconcerting given mounting tension over territorial claims between China, Japan and other nations in the South China Sea and elsewhere. It’s also a provocative curtain-raiser to the state visit President Obama is hosting for Chinese President Xi Jinping later this month. But the Chinese government is also soft-pedaling the parade inside the country, highlighting the extra day off for workers. Many ordinary Chinese are complaining that the holiday isn’t longer, or griping about employers who will make them work weekends or extra hours to make up for the day off.

2. A lot of scary weapons will be on display. The People’s Liberation Army has been spending aggressively to build new weapons able to counter the advantages posed by American aircraft carriers and other ships able to sail close to Chinese waters—especially since Washington announced a new “pivot” in national-security policy meant to put more emphasis on containing China. One closely watched missile likely to be on display is the DF-21D, a ground-launched missile that goes into space and is capable of reaching targets more than 1,000 miles away. If it works, the DF-21D would be able to threaten U.S. carriers far off the Chinese coast, as would a host of other new missiles launched from planes and ships. The Pentagon is well aware of such systems, of course (Russia has been stockpiling similar weapons for years), and has an array of countermeasures. Missiles like the DF-21D, for instance, can be defeated by disrupting their guidance systems and other electronic components, even if the missile remains intact. It’s a safe bet the Pentagon will have eyes on the Chinese parade, via surveillance satellites and other intelligence assets.

3. The parade probably won’t distract anybody from China’s economic problems. China planned the parade before this summer’s crash in the Shanghai and Shenzen stock markets, which triggered a global selloff during the last few weeks. So it’s not an overt decoy. If it were, it probably wouldn’t have worked, anyway. Come next week, the focus will once again shift back to China’s stock markets, the slowing Chinese economy and the feeble efforts of Chinese leaders this year to get a handle on the nation’s economic woes. China’s military prowess relies on robust economic growth, which means the rising risk of a recession may be China’s biggest national-security issue right now.

4. China’s communist leaders are nervous something could go wrong with the parade. They’ve instituted strict rules along the parade route, according to the New York Times. Crowds are not allowed to gather spontaneously. Scissors must be removed from offices along the route, lest some homicidal crazy tries to attack the marchers and steal publicity from the missiles. No cooking on gas stoves is allowed while the parade is in progress, since an explosion along the route would be pretty embarrassing. Near air bases, the PLA has even deployed a certain breed of monkey that’s prone to attacking bird nests—a way of scattering birds that might be sucked into jet engines, scuttling a flight. These people want a flawless event and they’re taking no chances.

5. Putin will be there. Leaders of several nations have declined invitations to attend, but Russia’s Vladimir Putin will be in the stands, checking out the hardware as it files by. His attendance is fitting, since many Chinese weapon systems are modeled after Russian technology. And Putin, of course, will feel right at home at a parade recalling the glorious May Day parades of the Cold War, which Russia mothballed after the Berlin Wall fell, but started up again in 2014. Are we entering a new Cold War, with China and Russia back in the role of hardcore U.S. adversaries? Putin and Xi may discuss exactly that.

Rick Newman’s latest book is Liberty for All: A Manifesto for Reclaiming Financial and Political Freedom. Follow him on Twitter: @rickjnewman.