7 'Sacred' Money Tips for Women
Barbara Stanny learned the hard way that she had to actively manage, and make, her own money. As the daughter of one of the founders of H&R Block, she grew up being told that she didn't have to worry about money. When she got married, she handed over the money management reins to her husband, who ended up losing much of her inheritance. After she got divorced, she rebuilt her finances and her life -- and now has lessons for other women.
In her new book, "Sacred Success: A Course in Financial Miracles," she shares her experience and insights into what it really takes for women to take control of their finances. Here are seven of her top suggestions:
1. Do worry about money.
"[My father] believed making and managing money was a man's job," Stanny recalls, "so the only advice I got from him was, 'Don't worry.'" That meant Stanny was happy to let her husband manage their money when she got married, and that turned out to be a bad decision. Her husband, a gambler, mismanaged their funds, she says. "I continued to let him manage the money because of how intimidated I was by it. I still didn't want to deal with it," she says.
After her divorce, her ex-husband left the country and Stanny was stuck with over $1 million in tax bills. That was money she didn't have. "That's when I hit bottom," she says.
2. Become a money expert.
After that low point, Stanny started studying money. She took classes, read books and eventually started interviewing women about money for her articles and books. "Those interviews changed my life," she says. She learned more about managing wealth and also confronted her old money fears and beliefs so she could move past them and make better financial decisions for herself.
3. Read the money news and talk about it.
Stanny urges women to read something about money every day, even if it's just for a minute or two. "So much about money is understanding the current trends and terminology," she says. She also recommends having discussions with friends and family members who know more about money than you do to continue that education. "Too often for us women, it's our secrecy and silence about money that keeps us stuck," she says.
4. Form a money club.
A regular gathering for women to talk about money or studying a financial book together can be helpful, Stanny suggests. "We women are so relationship-oriented. We learn best from each other," she says.
5. Reflect on your early lessons.
In addition to the technical aspects of managing money, Stanny says tackling the "inner work" of reflecting on your money values -- and where they come from -- is essential. "When you understand the decisions you made about yourself and your money, which are based not so much on truth but on the brainwashing you've gotten, you can start making different decisions," she says.
6. Embrace your power.
One stumbling block on the way to financial success for women is simply their fears about power, Stanny says. "I believe that women's difficulties with money have very little to do with money and everything to do with our ambivalence about power," she says. For women, power is more about relationships that control, she says, adding that women often see power and wealth as a means to an end, while for men they are the end goals themselves.
"My definition of a powerful woman is one who knows what she wants and who she is, and she expresses that in the world. It's really showing up fully as ourselves instead of boiling ourselves down so we don't make waves," she says.
7. Be willing to make some mistakes.
When Stanny started investing, she says she lost some money and learned to navigate risk through some of those early mistakes. "It took me about a year to really feel confident and comfortable," she says. She soon adapted a diversification strategy that took on the level of risk she was comfortable accepting. "Risk means an opportunity to gain," she says. "The biggest risk I could take was to do nothing and leave all my money in the bank." She also worked with a financial advisor that she liked and soon started feeling more empowered.
"Every woman who I coach says the same thing: 'I feel so powerful,'" Stanny says. That is a welcome feeling at any age.
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