Are we pushing our children over the edge?
My friend’s son, back home in Kolkata is all of 7, and studies in class three of a reputed South Kolkata school. Her school bag weighs a ton and she shuttles between three separate tuitions, and has already been to a counselor because she’s been reported to be suffering from mild depression, and is unable to focus on her studies. Her mother is worried sick, and while trying to be supportive is constantly comparing her with the children of friends and relatives, who are class toppers. The boy hardly has any spare time to pursue his hobbies, and while he likes karate and cricket, my friend feels encouraging them too much will further disrupt his school performance that is anyway dismal.
Her troubles with her boy remind me of a piece I read recently about ambitious modern-day parents in metro cities who are pushing their kids to achieve impossible feats with damaging results. Take the case of fourteen-year-old Biswadeep Bhattacharya, whose father wanted to see his promising son become a world champion in table tennis and so forced his son to practice without any rest. Grueling long practice sessions, merciless thrashings for the slightest of errors or a shoddy performance was Biswadeep’s everyday schedule, and the boy, unable to take this much pressure, suffered a cardiac arrest. “The amount of pain he caused to my son, may he also suffer the same. He killed him day by day. Any failure and he would beat the child with a stick, a plastic pipe or an electrical wire. I pray my husband gets sentenced for his crime,” said Papiya Bhattacharaya, Biswadeep’s mother residing in Delhi. Biswadeep was ranked among the top four table tennis players in the sub-junior category in West Bengal.
Today almost every kid is the victim of extreme parental pressure and expectation to excel, in an age of social media show-offs and constant competition. Not just in studies, but the kids are also pushed to be all-rounders in curricular activities or sports. “I have to rush for tuition as soon as I return from school. Then I do my homework after that and sometimes I also have project work. As soon as I complete my homework I have to get going for my singing lessons. Alternate days, I also have art classes. I can’t sleep at night, because I am always thinking what next?’ confesses 14-year-old Pragya Mathur (name changed on request), whose mother is keen that she participates next year in Voice of India, and she’s made to wake up at 4.30 am for her daily riyaaz.
According to the World Health Organisation (WHO) and United Nations Children Fund (UNICEF) one fifth of the children suffer mental or behavioral problems due to socio-economic changes and poverty. Analysts add in these times what is required is teaching the child acceptance over and above the drive to excel. According to a recent World Health Organization report, India has the highest suicide rate in the world for the 15-to-29 age group. It stands at 35.5 per 100,000 people for 2012, the last year for which numbers are available. Across all age groups, nearly 260,000 people in India killed themselves that year. Between 1987 and 2007, the suicide rate increased from 7.9 to 10.3 per 100,000, with higher suicide rates in southern and eastern states of India. In 2012, Tamil Nadu (12.5% of all suicides), Maharashtra (11.9%) and West Bengal (11.0%) had the highest proportion of suicides.
An NDTV report of January this year highlights how more than 160,000 students from across India flocked to Kota’s schools last year, feeding the town’s reputation as the nation’s capital for test preparation. But back breaking study schedules, frequent testing and round-the-clock stress are taking a deadly toll. More than 70 students have committed suicide in the past five years in Kota, including 29 just last year - a rate much higher than the national average of 10.6 suicides per 100,000 people in 2014, reported by the National Crime Records Bureau. Students in Kota have hanged themselves, set themselves ablaze and jumped from buildings.
Perhaps, these startling figures and the stoic confessions of youngsters should make us introspect on the undue pressure we are placing on their fragile shoulders, and how under the guise of guidance, we are actually forcing them to forgo their carefree childhood, just to make their parents happy and fulfill perhaps their unfulfilled dreams.
Image: Getty Images
