'Florida Man' Is Twitter's Worst Superhero Ever

Mashable

Meet Florida Man.

He's just your average, 'round-the-block kind of dude who likes going to the beach, watching The Voice and perfecting his gourmet grilled cheese sandwich recipe (and yes, ladies, he's single.)

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My man Flo's got a pretty sweet collection of manhole covers, too -- 166 of them! -- stacked up nicely in his sunny, ocean-side apartment (with a three, count it, three-car garage.)

I mean, sure, the manhole covers are technically "government property" taken from "state-funded highways" ... but, c'mon, we tax payers deserve a little break every now and then, amirite?

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And, OK, he's had a few other minor brushes with the law before. But can you really blame a guy for forgetting his child at a strip club? Honestly, I can't think of anyone who hasn't done that at least once. As for the butt injection fiasco? Psh -- please, he apologized for that one over and over again. And don't even get me started on the whole "spanking-a-police-horse" thing. The vultures in the media totally blew that out of proportion.

So, sure, his last Internet date might have ended in a home invasion; and, yes, he may have impersonated president Obama in an attempt to abduct a few kids at one point in time; and, FINE, he accidentally bit off his last girlfriend's thumb, but that was -- you know what? No. Nope. I can't do this anymore. You win! He's the worst. Ever. Ugh ... I mean, I can't even begin to -- no. Just ... no. Not even close. Are you happy now?

A new Twitter parody account, called @_floridaman, posts real news headlines about bizarre crimes happening in the Sunshine State. The catch? Every headline must begin with the words "Florida Man" -- thus creating a hybrid, mayhem-causing superhero who just can't seem to catch a break. The headlines are real, as are the crimes -- strange as they are -- that they describe.

Check out some of our favorite tweets:

Oh, Florida Man. You're just awful.

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Image by Mashable

This story originally published on Mashable here.

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