Calling all corsairs, scallywags, picaroons, and rapscallions: over in Riverside, Calif., a Pirates of the Caribbean-inspired manse has hit the market for $2.299M. Inside the "incredible Spanish Estate:" a red bedroom as ruffly and ridiculous as a saloon girl's dress, plus secret rooms, stained glass windows, a "gothic" wine cave, and the world in claustrophobic (galley-style!) wood paneling. Outside: a lagoon-style pool with four waterfalls and a water slide, plus a bunch of fabulous (if strange) miniature houses the brokerbabble fails to mention. Oh, and there's an astronomical observatory (to "observe, ponder, and understand the sky") and—because all these theme homes have an ample dose of anachronism—a state-of-the-art shower and massage tub that looks prime for beaming people up from other planets. It's all mighty impressive, but the real question is how it compares to the country's other ambitious pirate abodes. Does it beat out the pirate ship built inside a kid's room? The epically expensive backyard ship playhouse? The truly mindblowing in-home theater in Florida?