One fantasy football week down, 15 more to go (if you're lucky). If you won last week, you're feeling good. If you lost, you feel like there's no way you'll ever win this year. Chances are you'll get a "W" or two, but we're not here to give you false hope. If you're destined to keep losing, we'll tell you how it might happen in Week 2.
1 David Johnson
You'll lose because you just lost David Johnson and you're playing the owner who picked up Kerwynn Williams.
2 Akeem Hunt
You'll lose because you wasted your waiver wire pick on Kansas City running back Akeem Hunt instead of Kansas City running back Kareem Hunt.
3 Sam Bradford
You'll lose because the Steelers aren't the Saints and Sam Bradford is still Sam Bradford.
4 Seth Roberts
You'll lose because Seth Roberts keeps stealing touchdowns from Amari Cooper and Michael Crabtree.
5 Kenny Golladay and Cooper Kupp
You'll lose because you'll pick the wrong rookie WR sleeper between Kenny Golladay and Cooper Kupp.
6 Chris Carson
You'll lose because Chris Carson won't stop racking up garbage-time yards against the 49ers.
7 Jared Goff
You'll lose because you think Jared Goff is for real.
8 Tarik Cohen
You'll lose because Tarik Cohen isn't the best running back in the NFL, despite the waiver wire stampede to pick him up.
9 Tom Brady
You'll lose because the Law of Averages says Tom Brady will have 10 touchdowns this week against the Saints.
10 Blake Bortles
You'll lose because the Law of Averages says Blake Bortles will have 10 interceptions this week against the Titans.
11 Mike Tolbert
You'll lose because you'll underestimate the value of a Mike Tolbert "Revenge Game."
12 Austin Hooper
You'll lose because Austin Hooper's stiff-arming Week 1 performance got you to jump on his bandwagon and he'll fail to deliver a repeat performance.
13 Andy Dalton
You'll lose because you think Andy Dalton can't be any worse than last week....but he can.
14 Carson Wentz
You'll lose because Carson Wentz pulls off another unbelievable Houdini act, escaping the pass rush to deliver a touchdown pass that gives your opponent a narrow win.
15 Kareem Hunt
You'll lose because Kareem Hunt isn't done yet.
16 Giorgio Tavecchio
You'll lose because Giorgio Tavecchio isn't done yet.
17 Baltimore Ravens D'
You'll lose because the Ravens' defense will pitch another shutout.
18 Allen Hurns, Marqise Lee
You'll lose because Allen Robinson's season-ending injury persuaded you to invest in the Jaguars receiving corps and you end up on the wrong end of the Allen Hurns, Marqise Lee equation.
19 Trevor Siemian, Bennie Fowler
You'll lose because Trevor Siemian and Bennie Fowler continue to vulture touchdowns from C.J. Anderson, Emmanuel Sanders and Demaryius Thomas.
20 Sean Payton and Adrian Peterson
You'll lose because no matter how angry he gets, Adrian Peterson can't get Sean Payton to commit to one running back, making your share of the three-headed combo of Peterson, Mark Ingram and Alvin Kamara too risky to trust.
21 Deshaun Watson
You'll lose because you're counting on Deshaun Watson lasting the entire game Thursday night, but a gimpy ankle sends him to the sideline, making all of your shares in the Texans worthless.
22 Philip Rivers
You'll lose because Philip Rivers and Jay Cutler are going to hold an "interception off" in front of 30,000 largely indifferent fans out in Los Angeles.
23 Tight End Dilemma
You'll lose because there are, like, three good tight ends in fantasy football... and you don't have any of them.
24 New York Jets
Once again, you'll lose because you started someone on the Jets.
25 Eli Manning
We'll all lose because we have to watch Eli Manning in prime time for a second straight week.