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I Can't Wait To See This 'Last Jedi' Remake

Matt Miller
Photo credit: Getty Images

From Esquire

"This is a campaign to provide Disney an opportunity to course correct with the Star Wars franchise," begins the mission statement of RemakeTheLastJedi dot com. After launching in mid-June, Star Wars fans have allegedly pledged more than 83 million "real" American dollars to remake the latest film in the franchise in accordance with the wishes of a vocal minority of online trolls.

I truly cannot wait to see this film. As everyone knows, the only thing better than Star Wars movies is Star Wars fan fiction.

The site insists that this is not a joke. And I pray that it's not, because the movement has gotten so much traction that even Rian Johnson has cheered on their effort.

"The fans are completely divided and the core goal of Star Wars has been abandoned," the mission statement continues. "The goal is to not make one half of the fandom happy over the other, it is to make a film that the fandom in general as a whole enjoys."

Allegedly, a team of big-time Hollywood-type film producers have agreed to finance this film, according to the site. You don't have to put in any financial information, you just say that you're going to give them a certain amount of imaginary space bucks.

It doesn't matter, though! Because this is going to be fucking incredible. It'll be like The Room in space. Can you imagine a more cringeworthy movie than a self-financed Star Wars remake made by a bunch of horny neck beards?

There's going to be so much slave Leia, a bunch of sexy aliens, Trump using the force to put Wookies in cages, and whatever else the horrifying cross section of racist trolls and Star Wars fans can think up.

They'll probably get Scott Baio to play Luke with a soundtrack by Kid Rock. Roseanne Barr can play Rey, while Chris Christie is Jabba the Hutt. Hell, you can probably even get Steve Bannon to play Palpatine (no makeup required!).

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